Going low or limited contact with a narcissist can be a challenging but necessary step for your own well-being. When you reduce contact with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, there are several things that often happen.
The narcissist may lash out
One of the most common reactions when going low contact is for the narcissist to lash out. They may get angry, criticize you, try to guilt trip you, or otherwise react strongly to losing control over you and access to you as a source of narcissistic supply.
For example, they may accuse you of being selfish, cold-hearted, or disloyal. Or they may claim you are overreacting and exaggerating things. This serves to make you feel guilty for pulling away and question your own judgment and perceptions.
It’s important to remember that this reaction says more about their own narcissism than it does about you. Try not to take their criticisms personally or let them make you second-guess your decision.
They will escalate contact attempts
At first, the narcissist is likely to increase their contact attempts to reestablish control over you. This could involve excessive texting, calling, showing up unannounced, or even stalking behaviors.
For instance, if you usually talk on the phone twice a week, they may suddenly start calling you every day. Or if you’ve tried setting some boundaries about communication, they may ignore those rules entirely.
This escalation is often driven by desperation when they realize they are losing their grip on you as a source of narcissistic supply. Stay strong and remember that you do not have to respond on their timeline.
They will try to manipulate you
Another common tactic narcissists employ when someone goes low contact is manipulation. They may try to elicit sympathy, guilt trip you, or use other underhanded tactics to regain control.
For example, they may suddenly claim they have an illness or emergency that requires your attention. Or they may remind you of kind things they have done in the past and imply you “owe” them. They may also try flattery and extra charm to manipulate you.
Recognize these tactics for what they are – attempts to breach your boundaries. You are not obligated to accept their calls, texts, or invitations just because they make you feel guilty or uncomfortable.
They will recruit allies
In order to reassert control, narcissists will often try to recruit family members or friends as flying monkeys to do their bidding. They will triangulate relationships and spread misinformation to turn others against you.
For instance, they may communicate with your loved ones that you are being cruel or unreasonable for pulling away. Or they may distort things you have said and make you out to be the problem. This serves to isolate you and chip away at your resolve.
Remember that your true friends will at least hear your side as well before passing judgment. Refuse to get sucked into drama or debates about he said/she said.
They will swing between extremes
One hallmark of narcissistic behavior is swinging between extremes. One moment they may be bombarding you with texts, and the next they are giving you the silent treatment.
For example, if their extra attention and manipulation tactics don’t work, they may ice you out in an attempt to punish you. Or if their sob stories and sympathy ploys don’t sway you, they may explode in a narcissistic rage.
This hot and cold behavior is intended to keep you off balance and unsure of where you stand. Recognize that you are not the one being unreasonable in this scenario.
They will blame and criticize you
When going low contact, the narcissist often unleashes their criticisms and blame on you. They need to make you the problem so they can feel in the right.
For instance, they may say you were never really there for them, claim you used them, or even insult your personality and intelligence. This allows them to justify the situation as your failing rather than a consequence of their own behavior.
Try not to take their words to heart, as painful as they may be. Reply minimally, if at all, and keep conversations brief and centered on logistics.
They will act charming and compassionate
Following hostility, rages and blame, the narcissist will often switch to being charming and compassionate. This is referred to as hoovering, when they try to “suck” you back into the relationship.
They may suddenly act thoughtful, compliment you, and ask about your day. This is intended to make you second guess your decision to go low contact and keep you emotionally invested.
Remember that their charm is not genuine care for you, but rather an attempt to manipulate you for their own gain. Focus on their actions more than their words.
You will experience withdrawal symptoms
In some ways, going low contact with a narcissist can mirror withdrawal from an addiction. The lack of drama and chaos may initially feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
You may miss the highs of their praise and approval. Or find yourself wanting to ask their opinion or share news with them out of habit. It takes time to replace the emotional rollercoaster with stable, healthy relationships.
Be patient with yourself through this adjustment period. Seek support from trusted friends and stay strong against the urge to reengage.
You can experience self-doubt
Without the constant undermining from the narcissist, you may start to regain confidence in yourself and your perceptions. But their criticisms can still plague you and create self-doubt.
You may wonder if you were actually the unreasonable one, or feel guilty for cutting ties. Weeks or months down the road, their words may still creep into your mind and eat away at your self-esteem.
Combat this self-doubt by writing down examples of the narcissist’s harmful behavior and revisiting old texts or emails. Their own words will validate your choice to protect yourself.
You will regain perspective
Once out of the fog of manipulation and drama, your head will start to clear and you can regain perspective. You may realize the relationship was far more toxic than you admitted at the time.
You will start to recognize the narcissist’s emotional abuse and controlling behaviors for what they were. The ways they kept you on edge, doubted yourself and manipulated you will become more obvious.
This clarity can help strengthen your resolve to remain low contact. Write down examples of how they mistreated you so you can reference if you ever start to waver.
They may stalk or harass you
In some extreme cases, narcissists will cross lines and stalk or harass you in an attempt to force contact. This could involve showing up uninvited, following you, or even threats of physical violence.
They may monitor your social media or ask others what you are up to. They may drive by your home or work. In severe situations, you may need to pursue legal action like a restraining order.
Take any of these behaviors seriously and document everything that happens. Reach out for support from professionals and loved ones to help strategize your safety.
You will assert important boundaries
An important outcome of going low contact is learning to firmly assert boundaries with the narcissist. Whether that means only answering certain texts, blocking them online, or limiting visits.
You will get practice standing up for your needs and not caving to their manipulation or erosion of boundaries. Each time you maintain a boundary, you get stronger and regain self-respect.
This extends to other relationships as well. Once you master setting firm boundaries with a narcissist, it becomes easier to do so with others.
You may have to cut contact entirely
In some cases, the narcissist simply won’t respect any limits on low contact. Or even low contact leaves you feeling constantly manipulated and mistreated.
At that point, you may have to make the difficult decision to go no contact altogether. This may be especially true if they have severely harmed you, or continue to cross major lines to stalk you.
Going no contact is a last resort, but sometimes absolutely necessary for your mental and even physical safety. You may need to block them entirely and even get authorities involved.
While an extreme measure, you have every right to choose who you allow in your life. Do not let guilt or self-doubt stop you from prioritizing your well-being.
You will process complex emotions
Going low or no contact with a narcissist who was once close to you stirs up complex emotions. There may be grief over losing someone important. Anger at their mistreatment. Sadness and nostalgia for positive times.
You may feel tremendous relief to have distance but also guilt for cutting ties. It takes time and support to process these difficult emotions. Be patient and compassionate with yourself through ups and downs.
Journaling can help give voice to these complex feelings. Counseling provides objective guidance. Leaning on close friends who empower you is also important.
You can focus on your own growth
With the narcissist no longer taking up your time and energy, you will suddenly have opportunities for personal growth. You can pursue education, hobbies, and new friendships.
Are there goals you neglected or dreams you put on hold due to the relationship? Going low contact allows you to reinvest in yourself rather than constantly trying to prop up someone else.
Give yourself time to reacquaint with your needs and desires. Embrace this new chapter as a chance to thrive on your own terms.
You will build healthier relationships
Distancing yourself from the narcissist’s toxicity also allows healthier relationships to take root. You can improve communication with existing friends and family.
You may also find that new friendships seem to come easier. With the narcissist not sabotaging your self-esteem, you can open up to people who appreciate you.
Take time to nurture relationships that are reciprocal, bring out your best qualities, and support you. Surround yourself with caring people you can trust.
You gain increased peace
When you are no longer subjected to the narcissist’s chaos and drama, peace will start to take its place. You regain the space and energy that was constantly consumed trying to manage them.
Rather than walking on eggshells worrying about their potential reaction, you can relax and feel safe being yourself. You take back control of your emotional well-being.
Appreciate and immerse yourself in this newfound peace. See it as a vital part of healing and loving yourself.
You can fully heal and move forward
Implementing strong boundaries or removing a narcissist from your life altogether frees you to fully heal and move forward.
You can process the pain of the past without new wounds constantly being inflicted. Distance provides perspective and clarity.
While the effects of narcissistic abuse may always linger, they need not define your future. You can reclaim your self-worth. You can forge a new path built on self-love.
Give yourself time, be gentle with mistakes, and know you deserve to be surrounded by people who cherish you. Your life and relationships can be even better without the narcissist’s toxicity.
Conclusion
Going low or no contact with a narcissist can be challenging but so worth it for your health and future. Expect manipulation tactics and backlash, but stay strong in your boundaries. Each small win builds your confidence and paves the way for peace and healing. You deserve relationships that build you up, not tear you down. With time and support, you will find increasing freedom and flourishing. The narcissist’s loss will become your gain.
