Having a girl who likes you show interest when she already has a boyfriend can be a tricky situation. While it’s flattering to have her attention, you also have to consider how to handle it in an ethical way that avoids hurt feelings or complications. Here are some quick tips on navigating this scenario:
Should you make a move?
Generally speaking, it’s best not to make any overt moves on a girl who already has a boyfriend. Even if she’s showing signs she’s interested in you, she’s still in a relationship you need to respect. Making advances when she has a boyfriend crosses ethical boundaries and could stir up a lot of drama. The mature thing to do is keep your interactions platonic.
Let her take the lead
Don’t go out of your way to pursue a girl with a boyfriend. You can be friendly when you interact with her, but don’t push things in a romantic direction. If she wants to break up with her boyfriend or switch her affections to you, let her be the one to initiate that. Passively waiting for her to make the first move takes the pressure off you and lets her take responsibility for her actions.
Don’t become a confidant regarding her relationship
The girl may open up to you about problems in her relationship, especially if she sees you as a potential alternative. Be very cautious about getting drawn into this as her confidant. Bad-mouthing her boyfriend may damage their relationship, and you don’t want to be guilty of sabotaging it. Remain as neutral as possible if she complains about him to you.
Spend your energy elsewhere
Even if this girl decides to break up with her boyfriend, you may not want to get involved with someone who would do that. The best course of action is to pursue other romantic options rather than get hung up on someone who’s already unavailable. Spend time meeting new girls, nurturing existing friendships with single women, and building up your social circles. Getting to know more eligible girls increases your chances of finding a great match without the complications.
Be direct if needed
If the girl gets more and more obvious about showing interest, despite knowing you know she has a boyfriend, it may be time for a direct conversation. Take her aside privately and tell her gently but firmly that you think she’s great but don’t feel comfortable pursuing anything beyond friendship until she’s ended her current relationship. Making your boundaries clear upfront can help diffuse the situation.
Avoid sending mixed signals
Be aware that you could accidentally send mixed signals that encourage her pursuit, even if you don’t mean to. Flirting, constantly texting, grabbing one-on-one meals together, and discussing intimate details of your lives can blur platonic lines. Minimize these types of interactions to reinforce that you’re not pursuing her romantically.
Tell her boyfriend
If she continues escalating her advances despite your telling her you only want to be friends, you may need to take it to the next level by informing her boyfriend. Give him a heads up about what’s been going on and make it clear you want no part in it. This may stop her behavior and is the right thing to do rather than letting the cheating continue behind his back.
If all else fails, you may have to reduce contact altogether for a period of time. Let her know you think she’s great but need to keep your distance while she’s in a relationship, so nobody gets the wrong idea. Making yourself less available can reduce the temptation to cross a line and nudge her to resolve her situation one way or another.
Don’t compromise your morals
Having a girl show interest when she’s already in a relationship can be exciting and tempting. But don’t let your emotions cloud your better judgement. Pursuing a girl with a boyfriend compromises both her integrity and yours. Maintain your morals by avoiding inappropriate entanglements. If she ends her relationship to be with you, then you can reconsider in a more ethical context.
Finding yourself the object of a girl’s affection while she’s dating another guy requires walking a fine line. Avoid making moves on her, getting overly involved in her relationship issues, or giving off mixed signals. Remain neutral and friendly without flirting or actively enabling cheating behavior. If she wants to end her current relationship and pursue you legitimately, she needs to be the one to take that initiative. Keep your own hands clean by avoiding getting entangled in messy relationship dynamics. Focus your energy on other romantic prospects with less complicated circumstances.
With maturity and wisdom, you can gracefully handle admirers who are already in relationships. Maintain ethical boundaries and don’t compromise your integrity. If this girl is meant to be with you, she needs to sort out her current relationship before you move forward. Prioritize available girls and let her work through her own romantic dilemmas. Handling this situation in an upfront but sensitive way preserves your conscience while leaving the door open down the road if appropriate. So be flattered by her attention, but don’t get entangled at the expense of doing the right thing.
Here are some key points to remember:
- Don’t make advances on a girl who has a boyfriend – wait for her to initiate
- Don’t become a sounding board about her relationship problems
- Spend your energy pursuing available girls, not those in relationships
- Be direct if needed that you only see her as a friend for now
- Avoid flirty behaviors that could send mixed signals
- Consider informing her boyfriend if she won’t stop advances
- Reduce contact if she won’t take no for an answer
- Don’t compromise your morals or integrity
Staying patient, keeping ethical boundaries, and focusing elsewhere allows this scenario to resolve organically with minimal hurt feelings. Handled thoughtfully, you can both maintain your dignity and leave the door open for something deeper when the timing is right.
Questions and Answers
Here are some common questions and answers about dealing with a girl who likes you but has a boyfriend:
Is it ever okay to date a girl who has a boyfriend?
It’s generally not okay to date a girl who has a boyfriend, as that is unethical and involves cheating. Wait until she has ended her current relationship before pursuing anything romantic with her.
What if she says she’s going to break up with him soon?
Even if she claims she’s going to break up with him, you should still wait until that actually happens before dating her. Emotional entanglements can develop even when a relationship is ending.
Should I tell her boyfriend what’s been happening?
You’re under no obligation to tell him, but may choose to give him a heads up if she refuses to stop advances after you’ve asked her to. Telling her boyfriend could damage their relationship, so only do it if absolutely necessary.
What’s the best way to create distance from her?
Politely explain you would prefer to keep your friendship platonic. Limit one-on-one time, flirty interactions, and sharing too much personal information. Try to avoid her as much as possible until she resolves her situation.
Is it okay if we just flirt a little but nothing more?
No, flirting is not appropriate either. It will give her the impression you’re interested and lead her on, which is unethical as long as she is in a committed relationship with someone else.
Could I inadvertently be leading her on at all?
Be very aware of your interactions together to make sure you’re not unintentionally sending flirty signals or acting like you’re a couple. Keep things distant, professional, and unambiguous to avoid mixed messages.
What if she breaks up with him and wants to start dating?
If she ethically ends her relationship before pursuing you, then it becomes more acceptable to date her. Take it slowly and cautiously though, since rebound relationships right after another long-term one ends are risky.
Should I start pulling away from female friends out of respect?
No, you don’t have to pull away from other female friendships after starting to date someone. Set clear platonic boundaries with friends to avoid misunderstandings and potential jealousy issues.
How can I let her down easy if needed?
Let her know kindly that you think she’s great but don’t think it’s appropriate to date while she’s still in another relationship. Offer your friendship once she’s ended things if you’re comfortable maintaining that.
The key is establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries. You cannot control her choices but can control your own responses. Avoid situations that could lead to cheating and re-focus your energy on available girls without complicating factors.
Other Potential Scenarios
Here are a few other possible scenarios that could arise:
She wants casual hookups
If she pushes for a “friends with benefits” type situation or booty calls, refuse and say you don’t feel right about that. Physical involvement would still be cheating.
She complains her boyfriend is abusive
Recommend professional help and hotlines to assist her. Support her in seeking intervention but avoid “rescuing” her yourself in ways that could seem romantic.
Her boyfriend is oblivious to her flirting
She may try flirting overtly in front of her boyfriend hoping he won’t notice. Still avoid reciprocating – she is likely trying to make him jealous.
You work closely together
Establish with her that during work hours you’ll both keep things focused on professional matters only to avoid uncomfortable blurring of boundaries.
She spreads rumors you’re involved
Firmly correct these rumors if you hear of them and tell her to stop. Reiterate to any gossipers you are just platonic friends currently.
If a girl likes you but has a boyfriend, tread carefully and ethically. Avoid initiating romance or cheating behaviors at all costs. Be direct yet kind in establishing platonic boundaries and focus on available girls instead. If she ends her relationship and engages you properly, then reconsider. But until then, steer clear of messy entanglements, remain faithful to your morals, and let her sort out her own relationship without your involvement.