A wake is a gathering of family and friends after someone has passed away to view the deceased, offer support to loved ones, and pay respects. It typically takes place in the days leading up to the funeral service. There are no hard rules on timing, but most wakes take place within 3-5 days after death. The timing depends on factors like cause of death, religious and cultural traditions, funeral arrangements, and travel plans for out-of-town guests. With some planning and coordination, families can schedule a meaningful wake that accommodates their needs and traditions.
What is the Purpose of a Wake?
A wake serves several purposes for the family and community of the deceased:
- Viewing the body and paying respects
- Gathering together to grieve and support each other
- Sharing stories and memories of the deceased
- Welcoming out-of-town guests who have traveled for the funeral
- Displaying symbolic items that reflect the deceased’s life and interests
Having a period of visitation helps bring closure and eases the transition from life to death for family and friends. It provides a time and place to collectively mourn, show respect, reminisce, and lean on each other during the difficult days leading up to the funeral.
Traditional Timing of a Wake
Historically, wakes stemmed from the need to allow time for family and friends to pay respects to the body and mourn together before burial. Before modern embalming, wakes occurred quickly after death, sometimes even the same day. The body would be displayed in the family home.
Over time, funeral traditions shifted toward scheduling the wake at a funeral home. As embalming became more widespread in the 1900s, it allowed for a longer period between death and burial. Contemporary wakes usually take place within 2-3 days of death, often leaning toward whatever timing is most convenient for family members and guests.
Some common scenarios for timing include:
- Death on Friday, wake on Sunday/Monday, funeral on Tuesday
- Death on Saturday, wake on Monday/Tuesday, funeral mid-week
- Death mid-week, wake that weekend, funeral early next week
Most funerals take place within 4-7 days after death. The wake generally takes place 1-2 days before the funeral ceremony.
Factors That Determine Timing of the Wake
Several logistical factors influence the timing of the wake relative to the date of death:
Cause of Death
The cause and circumstances of death affect when a wake can be held. For example:
- Natural expected death – Wake can be held as soon as family is ready
- Sudden or traumatic death – Police investigation or autopsy may delay preparation of the body
- Infectious disease – Special handling precautions may be required
An unexpected or suspicious death may require coordination with authorities, which can postpone scheduling. Open-casket viewing may or may not be recommended depending on the nature of death and condition of the body.
Religious and Cultural Traditions
Some faiths encourage burial within 24-48 hours of death, limiting wake timing. Hindu and Muslim traditions often hold the wake and funeral on the same day. Jewish tradition prohibits open-casket viewing. Religious rules around burial and mourning should be discussed with a funeral director.
Cultural traditions also factor into expected wake timing and structure. Ethnic and regional customs guide the approach.
Funeral Plans
The anticipated date and location of the funeral service dictates scheduling the wake 1-2 days prior. Funerals are usually held Monday to Saturday, so the wake often falls on whatever day is most convenient. The funeral home can coordinate timing with the cemetery, church, or other venue.
Travel Plans
If important guests like family are traveling from out of town, they will need time to make arrangements and travel before the wake and funeral. Allowing a few days ensures they can attend and delays events until they arrive. For distant travelers, the wake may be held 4-5 days after the death.
Preparing for a Wake
Arranging a wake involves some coordination to prepare the location, the body, gather flowers and displays, and notify family and friends:
- Work with a funeral director to ready the body with embalming and cosmetic preparation for viewing.
- Create an obituary to inform of the person’s passing and schedule of wake/funeral events.
- Notify the venue with the planned date and time and make any arrangements.
- Gather meaningful photos, mementos, flowers, and other decorative displays for the venue.
- Identify music, readings, rituals, or program elements to personalize the gathering.
- Arrange seating, catering, or refreshments based on expected attendance.
- Prepare a guest book and memorial cards or programs for attendees.
These details can be managed within a few days, allowing flexibility in timing the wake. While preparations are underway, immediate family members can instead focus on their grief.
Key Differences in Catholic Wakes
Catholic tradition has some unique features that impact typical wake timing and format:
- Prayer vigils, or rosary, are often held the night before the funeral.
- If the body will be present, the vigil is called a viewing or visitation.
- The vigil may be held at the funeral home, church, or family home.
- Catholic funerals traditionally follow within a day of the vigil.
- Close family may participate in rituals like sprinkling holy water on the casket.
The priest may lead communal prayers for the deceased during the Catholic vigil. It serves as a spiritual gathering to comfort the family the evening before laying their loved one to rest.
How Long Do Wakes Last?
There is no rule for how long a wake should last. Typical durations are:
- 2-4 hours for small intimate gatherings
- 4-6 hours to accommodate extended family, friends, and community
- All day or all night for important public figures
Often the wake is held during calling hours from mid-morning until early evening to allow people to pay respects around work and school schedules. For religious vigils, the family may gather for a few hours in the evening.
The funeral home can advise families on an appropriate timeframe based on the expected guest list and any cultural or religious customs. Additional days of viewing may be scheduled if there is high demand. For an especially prominent person, the body may lie in state for public viewing over several days.
Typical Wake Timeline
While flexible, wakes tend to follow a general timeline when scheduled over 4-6 hours:
- 10 am – Gathering begins, guests arrive to pay respects
- 10 am – 1 pm – Peak attendance as people visit around lunch time
- 1 pm – 3 pm – Steady stream of guests continues
- 3 pm – 5 pm – After work visitors stop by to express sympathies
- 5 pm – Close of wake, immediate family may stay longer
The funeral home staff will coordinate the timing and flow, often suggesting mourners limit their visit to under 30 minutes so everyone has a chance to attend. Condolences Book signing and quiet reflection may continue after the scheduled wake hours for family.
Can You Have a Wake Without a Body?
A memorial gathering can still be held even if the body is unavailable for viewing. This is sometimes called a memorial service or celebration of life. Reasons might include:
- Cremation was chosen instead of traditional burial
- The body was badly damaged or not recoverable
- Death occurred far away and remains cannot be transported
- Personal preference not to have an open casket
The memorial typically follows a similar format to a wake, but without the casket. Photographs and other meaningful items can be displayed. Having scheduled time together still provides consolation without the presence of the body.
Private Family Viewing
While traditional wakes are open to the community, the immediate family may wish to keep the viewing private. This provides intimate time to say goodbye. A private family viewing may be held:
- At the funeral home before the public wake
- At the church before the funeral service
- At the graveside just prior to burial
Scheduling a viewing for just close loved ones allows them to support each other before facing the public mourning. It accommodates those who prefer to grieve more privately.
Expenses Associated With a Wake
If costs are a consideration, know that a public wake does increase funeral costs. Expenses to factor include:
- Embalming and body preparation
- Rental casket if needed
- Funeral home staffing for hours of visitation
- Flowers, displays, guest book, memorial cards, amenities
- Obituary notices
- Extended funeral home time
Simpler mourning gatherings can be held at lower cost at the church or family home. Or immediate family can have a private viewing followed by a public memorial service. Speak with a funeral director about affordable options.
Social Gatherings After the Wake
It is common for the family to host a reception after the wake or funeral. This provides a place for community to gather, continue sharing memories, and offer support. The social aftermath may include:
- Light lunch or refreshments served at the funeral home or church
- Full reception dinner at a restaurant or community venue
- Informal gathering at the family home
Catering and planning for these additional gatherings can add costs. Having a place to community and break bread after the loss is meaningful for many families.
Key Takeaways
In summary, key points to keep in mind when planning a wake:
- Typically takes place 1-2 days before the funeral ceremony
- Allows friends and family to come together to mourn and show support
- Provides opportunity for viewing and paying final respects
- Scheduling is driven by logistics like cause of death, religious practices, funeral date, travel plans
- Duration is usually 4-6 hours but can be extended based on needs
- Can be held privately for family only or publicly for the community
- Additional memorial gatherings are common after the funeral or burial
The wake is a time to pause and acknowledge the loss before laying your loved one to rest. With some flexibility and communication, families can determine optimal timing that fits their situation and needs. Most importantly, the wake allows sharing in grief and finding comfort in community during bereavement.
