What should I text first to a girl?

Texting a girl you like for the first time can be intimidating. You want to make a good first impression and start the conversation off right. Knowing what to text a girl to spike her interest and make her want to respond is key. Follow these tips and examples to help craft the perfect first text to a girl you like.

Be Yourself

The most important thing is to be yourself. Don’t try too hard to say what you think she wants to hear. Be authentic and text her like you would text anyone else. Pretending to be someone you’re not will only cause problems down the road.

Keep It Simple

Don’t overthink your first text. Keep it casual, simple, and concise. Say “Hi” or “Hey, this is [your name]” to re-introduce yourself. Then bring up something you talked about when you met or make a reference to where you met. This will help remind her of who you are.

Make It Personal

Adding personal details will make it clear you’re texting her specifically, not just a random girl. Reference something you discussed when you met or noticed about her. For example: “Hey Sarah, this is Mike from the coffee shop on Friday. It was great chatting about our favorite hiking trails around town.”

Ask an Engaging Question

After your introduction, ask an open-ended question. This gives her something to respond to and keeps the conversation going. Ask about her day, weekend plans, or something you talked about before. For example: “Hey Jessica! This is Brian from the concert last night. How’s your morning going?”

Compliment Her

Giving a genuine, non-creepy compliment shows you’re interested in her. Keep it clean and based on something other than her looks. For example: “Hi Amy, it’s Matt from the bar last night. It was really cool talking to someone so passionate about photography.”

Use Humor

If a funny moment occurred when you met, referencing it shows you had a good time. Don’t force a joke if it’s not natural though. Say something like “Hey Megan, this is Tyler, the guy who spilled the entire tray of shots last night! Hope your weekend’s off to a less messy start.”

Reference an Inside Joke

Bringing up an inside joke or moment only the two of you were there for shows closeness. This also grabbed her attention since she’ll remember the reference. For example: “Hi Jen, this is Richard, the guy who sat next to you on the plane. Just landed back home but I think we’re still 20,000 feet in the air up in cloud nine.”

Keep It Short

Don’t bombard her with a really long first text. Keep it to 2-3 brief, casual sentences. You want to start the conversation, not continue it over text. Save deeper conversations for when you ask her out or talk in person. For example: “Hey Emily, it’s Alex from the coffee shop earlier. I had fun chatting with you about hiking! What’s your favorite trail around town?”

Be Direct

Clearly communicate your interest by being direct. If you want to see her again, say so. For example: “Hi Sophie, this is Liam from the bar last night. You seem really cool. I’d love to see you again sometime, could I get your number?”

Stick Out From Other Guys

Saying something unique that other guys probably wouldn’t think of can help you stand out from the crowd. For example: “Hey Isabella, this is Diego from your Spanish class. I really enjoyed our small talk despite conjugating so many verbs today. You up for grabbing some tapas and practicing our Spanish this weekend?”

Text Her Within 2-3 Days

Don’t wait too long to text or she may forget who you are. Ideally, text her within 2-3 days of meeting. One week max is pushing it. She likely won’t remember you if you wait longer than that.

Perfect Time to Text a Girl

The best time to initially text a girl is in the late morning or early afternoon on a weekday. Weekday evenings after work also tend to be good times. Mid-morning on the weekend works too but avoid very late nights.

Proofread Before You Text

Read your text over to check for typos, grammatical errors, and autocorrect mistakes. These make you appear careless. Also make sure you’re using the right name for the girl you met.

Do Not Text and Drive

Never text while operating a vehicle. Not only is this unsafe, but it also conveys the wrong message. You should be completely engaged in your communication with someone new.

Avoid Sexual or Offensive Texts

Never open with sexual or offensive texts. These are huge turnoffs and may make the girl feel unsafe responding to or meeting you. Keep it PG and respectful until you get to know her better.

Do Not Text Intoxicated

Make sure you’re sober when texting for the first time. Mixing alcohol and texting can lead to messy, inappropriate texts you’ll regret in the morning.

How Long to Wait for a Response

Don’t panic if she doesn’t text back immediately. Girls often like to wait a bit before responding to appear less eager. If she hasn’t responded within 24 hours, send a follow up “checking in” text. If you still don’t hear from her, move on.

What to Do if She Doesn’t Respond

If she doesn’t respond to your initial text or follow up, do not bombard her with more texts. Take the hint and leave her be. If you see her again in person, be cool and casual. Don’t call attention to her not responding unless she brings it up first.

Signs She’s Not Interested Over Text

Here are some clues that she’s not interested if you’re having a text conversation:

  • One word responses like “ok,” “nice,” or “cool”
  • She takes a long time to respond, or leaves your text on read
  • Her responses seem unengaged (she’s likely multitasking)
  • She doesn’t ask you any questions back
  • She doesn’t continue the conversation, just responds without adding much

When to Stop Texting

If you’re not getting positive vibes after a few back-and-forth texts, quit while you’re ahead. Don’t keep texting her trying to get a response. Either she’s not interested or she’s just not much of a texter.

Ask to Meet Up In Person

After 5-10 quality text exchanges with some flirtation sprinkled in, ask her out! Say something simple like “Want to grab an after-work drink tomorrow?” Meeting up in person is the best way to advance things.


Texting a girl you like for the first time doesn’t have to be scary. Keep it simple, cool, and casual. Be yourself, make it personal, and reference something unique between the two of you. Avoid long texts and be direct with your interest. Proofread before sending and don’t text while intoxicated. If she doesn’t respond, move on gracefully. With the right first text, you can start a great conversation and ideally segue into an in-person date. Good luck!

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