What is the first form of love?

Love comes in many forms, but what is generally considered the first form of love we experience in life? Most psychologists agree that the bond between a newborn baby and its mother represents one of the earliest and most fundamental forms of love. This primal connection lays the foundation for our understanding of intimacy, attachment, and unconditional affection.

What is the maternal bond?

The maternal bond refers to the deep emotional and physical connection between a mother and her infant. This bond begins to develop during pregnancy, as the mother feels her baby moving and responds both emotionally and physiologically. Hormones released in the mother’s body, like oxytocin, promote feelings of love and attachment even before the baby is born.

After birth, the mother continues responding to the baby’s cues, providing comfort, nourishment, and care. As the infant’s needs are consistently met, a secure attachment is formed. The baby learns to trust that the mother will be there when needed. This secure base allows the infant to confidently explore the world and develop a healthy sense of self.

Key features of the maternal bond include:

  • Affection and desire to care for the baby
  • Reciprocal delight in each other’s company
  • Mutual eye contact and imitation
  • Responding sensitively to the baby’s signals
  • Soothing the baby when distressed
  • Providing nourishment, warmth, and comfort
  • Holding and physical closeness

The strength of this early love impacts lifelong emotional health and relationships. The maternal bond forms the basis for secure attachment, empathy, trust, and our ability to give and receive love.

How does the maternal bond develop?

The maternal bond begins to form during pregnancy but deepens after birth. Several biological and psychological factors influence the development of this unique relationship:

  • Hormones: Pregnancy hormones like oxytocin, prolactin, and estrogen promote mother-infant bonding. These hormones continue after birth through behaviors like breastfeeding.
  • Contact: Holding, gazing, stroking, kissing, and caressing all strengthen feelings of closeness and affection.
  • Responsiveness: When mothers consistently meet a newborn’s needs, trust and secure attachment grow.
  • Familiarity: Spending lots of time together allows mothers and infants to become intimately familiar with each other.
  • Infant cues: Features like big eyes, rounded cheeks, and cooing vocalizations appeal to maternal instincts.
  • Brain changes: Parts of mothers’ brains physically change to support bonding, caregiving, and responding to infant cues.

Additionally, mothers experience a flood of emotions after birth – joy, excitement, affection, fear, protectiveness – further deepening the bond with their vulnerable newborn.

How long does the maternal bond last?

The mother-infant bond remains extremely important during the first few years of life as children are completely dependent. However, the quality continues evolving as children grow. While intense physical closeness diminishes, emotional intimacy remains vital into adolescence and beyond.

The maternal bond stretches but does not break as children mature. Mothers continue playing central roles providing love, guidance, security, and support. Healthy maternal bonds last a lifetime.

Importance of the Maternal Bond

The early maternal bond provides the foundation for human emotional, social, and cognitive growth. Here are some of the most significant impacts:

Secure Attachment

The maternal bond establishes an infant’s first relationship model, shaping future bonds. When mothers are reliably responsive, babies develop secure attachment – confidence that primary caregivers will meet their needs. Securely attached infants are happier, less anxious, and better prepared to build strong relationships throughout life.

Brain Development

The maternal bond stimulates early brain growth. Gentle touch, soothing voices, attentive care, and facial recognition all help wire infant brains for further development. Secure attachments correlate with improved cognitive skills.

Social-Emotional Skills

Through consistent care and responsiveness, mothers help infants regulate emotions and impulses, building essential self-soothing skills. The maternal bond also teaches communication, empathy, trust, and cooperation.

Mental Health

Children with secure maternal attachments have lower risks for conditions like depression, anxiety, addiction, and personality disorders later in life. The maternal bond establishes healthy models for coping with stress.

Healthy Growth

The maternal bond promotes physical health and growth. Infants lacking secure attachments may have elevated heart rates, stress hormones, and weakened immune responses. The maternal bond also encourages nourishment, doctors’ visits, and general well-being.


Babies loved unconditionally for who they are gain an early sense of self-worth. The maternal bond teaches that children’s needs matter simply because of their inherent value as human beings. This sets up positive self-esteem over a lifetime.

Threats to the Maternal Bond

While the maternal bond is a natural human phenomenon, certain factors can disrupt its formation:

Postpartum Mood Disorders

Postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, and psychosis interfere with a mother’s ability to respond sensitively. Irritability, lack of motivation, intrusive thoughts, etc. impair bonding and attachment security. Prompt treatment is essential.


Mothers struggling with current or past trauma often have difficulty connecting with infants. Trauma skews inner working models of relationships, requiring therapeutic work to foster secure bonds.


Substance abuse inhibits mothers’ capacities for attunement and nurturance. The compulsion to use precedes responding to infant needs. Recovery is necessary to rebuild maternal bonds after addiction.


Everyday stressors like poverty, abuse, discrimination, etc. overtax mothers’ coping abilities. Chronic stress impedes sensitive, responsive caregiving, disrupting the maternal bond. Support is needed to strengthen bonds compromised by stress.

Infant Health Problems

Certain infant health issues like prematurity, birth defects, and regulatory problems inhibit bonding. Mothers may feel grief, disappointment, or distress at not having a “perfect” baby. Support groups help process these feelings.

Lack of Social Support

Isolation and fatigue strain mothers’ capacities to bond. Building social support networks provides assistance and lifts burdens that could otherwise damage the maternal bond.

How to Foster the Maternal Bond

While innate to many mothers, the maternal bond can also be intentionally cultivated:

Spend Time Together

Make nurturing your baby a priority. Setting aside daily time focused just on your infant without distractions fosters closeness. Simple activities like cuddling, singing lullabies, and maintaining eye contact help strengthen your bond.

Respond Promptly

Attend quickly to infant cries, needs, and cues. Sensitive, consistent responsiveness helps infants feel understood and secure. While not always easy, try to remain patient, empathetic, and affectionate.

Meet Needs Lovingly

Focus total attention on your baby during caretaking. Make eye contact, sing, and cuddle while nursing, bathing, diapering, dressing, and rocking your little one to sleep. Infuse care routines with warmth.

Skin-to-Skin Contact

Maximize skin-to-skin time through activities like breastfeeding, babywearing, bathing together, infant massage, and co-sleeping. Physical closeness releases bonding hormones and provides comfort.

Observe Your Baby

Notice and delight in your infant’s unique attributes like sounds, smells, facial expressions, movements, and temperament. Shared gazes exchange love and deepen bonds.

Minimize Separations

While not always possible, try to limit time apart from your baby during the first year. Separation anxiety around 6-8 months old signals a strengthening maternal bond.

Bonding After Early Challenges

If the early postpartum period presented bonding challenges like health complications or postpartum mood disorders, don’t lose hope. Here are some tips for rebuilding bonds:

Get professional help

Seeking treatment for postpartum depression, anxiety, trauma, etc. removes obstacles impairing the maternal bond. Many therapies also directly strengthen attachment.

Spend extra time together

Set aside daily one-on-one time with your baby free of distractions. Prioritize physical closeness through cuddling, babywearing, infant massage, co-bathing, etc.

Respond sensitively

Tune into your baby’s cues. Provide affectionate care and consistency. Work on viewing cries as calls for help versus annoyance or anger.

Practice mindfulness

Stay present during interactions with your baby. Silence inner criticism and focus total attention on your infant. Let go of perfectionism.

Accept support

Don’t isolate! Ask trusted family and friends for help around the house, caring for older kids, running errands, etc. This frees up bonding time.

Express affection

Verbalize love through words like “I love you so much,” “You make me so happy,” “I’m so glad you’re my baby.” Make frequent eye contact and smile warmly.

Reframe challenges

If you have a high-needs baby, view fussiness and demands for contact as signs of a strong bond rather than clinginess or manipulation. Respond lovingly.


The maternal bond represents perhaps the purest form of love – an unconditional devotion of a mother to her helpless infant. While forming naturally in ideal circumstances, this foundational relationship can also be protected and strengthened through awareness and active care. Beyond keeping babies safe and fed, mothers have the profound opportunity to lay the groundwork for their children’s lifelong emotional security and attachments. There is no greater gift than the nurturing presence of a mother lovingly attuned to her child’s needs. This first love impacts families and societies for generations to come.

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