Having a friend with benefits can be an exciting experience that meets both people’s needs for physical intimacy without the commitment of a romantic relationship. However, there are some key things that friends with benefits should avoid doing in order to maintain a healthy, mutually beneficial arrangement.
Don’t Catch Feelings
One of the most common pitfalls of having a friend with benefits is developing romantic feelings for each other. Entering into a friends with benefits situation with the expectation that it will turn into a committed relationship is a recipe for hurt feelings. Both people should be clear from the start that they are only interested in a casual, physical connection and not looking for anything more serious at this time.
Don’t Get Possessive
There is no room for jealousy or possessiveness in a friends with benefits relationship. Neither person “owns” the other, so there should be no restrictions on who else you can date or sleep with. Trying to control who your friend with benefits sees will only breed resentment.
Don’t Meet Each Other’s Friends or Family
Introducing your friend with benefits to your closest friends or family members can send mixed signals about the nature of your relationship. Keep things casual by avoiding integrating your FWB into parts of your life beyond the bedroom.
Don’t Go On Dates
Dates are for romantic relationships, not friends with benefits arrangements. Doing date-like activities together like going to dinner and a movie can confuse the boundaries between friendship and romance. Keep your hangouts limited to hooking up or casual hangs without romantic undertones.
Don’t Talk About the Future
Making plans for the future together beyond a casual mention of the next hookup can give your friend with benefits the impression you want something more serious. Avoid going too far into future plans to keep things in the here and now.
Don’t Get Too Personal
While you should have a basic friendship outside the bedroom, oversharing too many deep, personal details of your life can lead to unwanted emotional intimacy. Keep conversations light to maintain the casual vibe.
Don’t Text Constantly
Texting throughout the day with your friend with benefits can cross the line from casual to serious. Keep communication focused on making plans for hookups rather than having long text conversations about your lives.
Don’t Cuddle Afterwards
Cuddling after sex is an intimate activity that couples typically share. To avoid blurring friendship lines, abstain from cuddling, spooning or other very affectionate contact after hooking up.
Don’t Get Jealous of Other Partners
A big ground rule of any friends with benefits arrangement is that both people are free to see other people. Get any feelings of jealousy under control and remember your friend is not committed to you.
Don’t Hook Up Every Time You Hang Out
If every hangout session turns into a hookup, your friendship exists purely for physical gratification. Maintain regular friend hangs with no sexual expectations to keep the friendship balanced.
Don’t Spend the Night Together
Sleeping over together in the afterglow can feel intimate and relationship-like. Avoid this by having one person go home after hooking up to keep things clearly casual.
Don’t Go on Vacation Together
Planning romantic getaways is reserved for serious relationships, so vacationing with your friend with benefits should be off the table. Take trips with other friends or plan your own solo adventure.
Don’t Celebrate Holidays Together
Spending major holidays together is something that couples and families do. Avoid giving your friend with benefits the wrong impression by leaving holidays for your significant other, friends and family.
Don’t Hook Up When Emotional
Seeking physical comfort from your friend with benefits when you’re extremely sad, stressed or vulnerable can lead to unintended emotional attachment. Only meet up when you’re in a clear, positive headspace.
Don’t Meet Each Other’s Pets
Meeting your friend’s beloved pet cat or dog feels like an important relationship milestone. Avoid doing pet meet and greets so you don’t overstep platonic FWB boundaries.
Don’t Leave Things at Each Other’s Places
Having a toothbrush, clothes or other personal items at your friend with benefits’ house can make the arrangement feel domestic. Make sure to take all your things after hooking up.
Don’t Loan Each Other Money
Loaning your friend with benefits money, especially large sums, is something only very close friends or romantic partners feel comfortable doing. Keep your financial lives separate.
Don’t Badmouth Exes
Venting about your ex to your friend with benefits and seeking a sympathetic ear can feel oddly intimate. Keep the conversation light and avoid oversharing about past relationships.
Don’t Make Passive Aggressive Comments
If you have negative feelings related to jealousy, lack of commitment or being underappreciated, avoid making snide comments. Address these openly and honestly or end the arrangement if needed.
Don’t Hook Up Right After a Breakup
Ending a committed relationship can be very emotionally difficult. Avoid immediately seeking physical comfort from your FWB; give yourself time to heal first.
Don’t Lead Them On
Be very clear from the beginning that you are only looking for something casual. Don’t act overly coupley or say misleading things that could give them the impression you want to date seriously.
Don’t Make Strict Rules
Trying to impose strict rules around how often you hook up or how available you are for each other will make the dynamic unhealthy. Keep things flexible and low pressure.
Don’t Use the “Relationship” Word
Referring to your friend with benefits as your boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or other relationship term can cast doubt on your casual status. Stick to “friend” terminology.
Don’t Act Like a Therapist
Playing therapist and offering deep emotional support and advice to your friend with benefits can feel dangerously intimate. Keep your conversations lighthearted.
Don’t Make Them a Priority
FWBs should not take priority over your family, close friends and obligations. Don’t blow off important commitments just to hook up.
Don’t Push Boundaries
If your friend establishes boundaries around frequency of meetups, sexual acts or amount of communication, respect those. Pushing their boundaries will damage the dynamic.
Don’t Disrespect Their Time
Booty calls at 2 AM or last minute cancellations demonstrate a lack of respect for your FWB’s time. Be considerate in your scheduling and communication.
Conclusion
Friends with benefits arrangements can be playful ways for two people to intimately connect on their own terms. Avoiding behaviors that foster deeper emotional bonds or send misleading signals is key to keeping your FWB relationship fun, light and fulfilling for both parties.
As long as you both stay focused on keeping things casual, communicate clearly and honestly, and show respect for each other’s boundaries, your friends with benefits dynamic will thrive.
