The Bible has a lot to say about how a husband should love and cherish his wife. Marriage is a sacred covenant and union created by God, and the Bible provides wisdom and instructions for how to have a successful marriage centered around loving, honoring, and caring for one’s spouse. Some quick answers about what the Bible teaches on loving your wife include:
– Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25)
– Husbands should honor their wives and treat them as co-heirs in God’s grace (1 Peter 3:7)
– Husbands should be considerate and understanding of their wives (1 Peter 3:7)
– Husbands should nurture and care for their wives as they would their own bodies (Ephesians 5:28-29)
– Husbands and wives should submit to one another in love in their marriage roles (Ephesians 5:21)
Looking deeper at Biblical principles and passages will provide greater understanding of God’s design for marriage and loving one’s wife.
Sacrificial Love
One of the clearest principles for a husband’s love for his wife in the Bible is that it should be sacrificial, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25 states: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This teaches that a husband should be willing to sacrificially give of himself, his time, his energy, and even his own desires or comfort, in order to do what is best for his wife. He should put her needs above his own, care for her, protect her, and help her grow in godliness.
Christ left the glories of heaven to become human, suffered immensely on the cross, and died in order to save His people. This is the model of how profound a husband’s love and sacrifice for his wife should be according to Scripture. It is to be a servant leadership that washes his wife in the Word of God, takes up his cross daily for her, and cherishes her as a precious gift from the Lord. This sacrificial love enables a wife to feel secure, supported, and empowered to grow and thrive in the marriage and pursue God’s calling for her life.
Love and Honor
Another principle from Scripture is that husbands are called to love and honor their wives. 1 Peter 3:7 gives instructions: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” A husband is to live with his wife in a considerate way that provides what she needs to flourish, demonstrating value, respect and esteem for her as a fellow heir in Christ. Though she is described as the “weaker vessel,” implying women in biblical times specially required care and protection, the emphasis is on showing honor and cherishing the wife as equal before God.
This verse also warns a husband to honor his wife so that his prayers may not be hindered. This implies that improperly relating to one’s wife has consequences for a husband’s spiritual life and relationship with God. Therefore, creating a culture of honor and respect between spouses is imperative.
Understanding and Kindness
Husbands are specifically commanded in 1 Peter 3:7 to live with their wives in an understanding way. To have a successful marriage centered on love, a husband needs to intentionally grow in understanding his wife—her emotions, needs, desires, fears, dreams etc. He should gently pursue deeper knowledge of who she is, how she thinks, and what makes her feel loved. The husband is to invest in communicating openly and listening closely to become an expert in loving his wife in the way that uniquely speaks love to her.
The Bible also gives instructions for how women desire to be loved, such as caring for physical needs: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). Wives long to be treated with tenderness, understanding and a caring heart, not anger, indifference or irritability: “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4). A husband’s effort to understand and kindly love his wife as outlined in Scripture will help foster security, openness, trust and intimacy.
Unity and Mutual Submission
While husbands are given a leadership role in marriage in the Bible, they are also commanded to submit to their wives, treating them as equals and partners. Ephesians 5:21 says to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This mutual submission applies to all relationships between believers, so the marriage relationship especially should be characterized by humility and preferring one another. Husbands and wives should thoughtfully listen to, consider the perspectives of, and honor one another.
Though the Bible gives the husband headship in the marriage covenant, the wife’s desires, input and collaboration should be valued. “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28 NASB). Loving your wife as yourself or your own body implies care for her needs and wishes equivalent to your own. Pursuing genuine unity of mind and spirit in the marriage is key to both spouses thriving.
Love as Christ Loves the Church
As well as sacrificial love, the Bible commands husbands to love their wives just as Christ loved the church. In a similar passage, Colossians 3:19 tells husbands: “Love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” Considering how Christ loves the church gives insight into what this love should look like. Jesus loved the church:
– With forgiveness and grace, not based on performance but lavishly and unconditionally
– With patience, kindness and compassion through every failure or trial
– With perseverance, never giving up on His people no matter how far they strayed
– With sacrifice, setting aside His rights and even His life for her sake
– With sanctification, washing her and making her holy through His Word
– With friendship and intimacy, sharing all things in tender relationship
– With hope for a glorious future, promising heaven and eternal blessings with Him
A husband should love his wife with this same forgiving, patient, kind, sacrificial and unconditional agape love. He should point her to Christ through word and deed. And he should cultivate intimate friendship and set her apart for God, just as Christ does for every Christian.
Nourishing and Cherishing
A husband’s love should also follow Christ’s pattern of nourishing and cherishing His church. Ephesians 5:29 says: “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.” To nourish his wife means a husband provides for her needs, pours into her spiritually, brings her to the Word of God, and helps her grow. To cherish his wife means he holds her dearly, protects her, and delights in caring for her. This models how Christ spiritually nourishes believers through Scripture and sacraments, and tenderly cherishes Christians as His beloved Bride.
Treating one’s wife with nourishing, cherishing love contributes to her mental, emotional and spiritual flourishing. It provides comfort and security, enhancing openness, vulnerability and intimacy in the marriage relationship. Following Christ’s selfless example of delighting in, protecting, and caring for His people enables a husband’s love to powerfully convey God’s love to his wife.
For the Wife’s Sake
The Bible teaches that a husband should love and honor his wife not only to obey God’s commands, but for the sake of the wife herself. In the passage on showing honor in 1 Peter 3, the motivation is so “that your prayers may not be hindered.” But in Ephesians 5, Paul explains a husband is to love his wife “so that he will cherish her.” This love is for the wife’s own benefit, that she may be fulfilled, blessed and built up in the marriage.
A wife yearns to be loved with understanding, honor, sacrifice, protection, intimacy and commitment. A husband should devote himself to meeting these God-given needs and desires to promote his wife’s emotional and spiritual welfare. He should study her unique personality and learn what communicates love specifically to her. God created marriage for mutual completing and companionship between man and woman. Therefore, a husband’s Christ-like, selfless love has the power to help his wife flourish and fill the unique role God has for her.
Reflecting Spiritual Truths
The Bible paints a picture of godly marriage by giving husbands commands and principles for how to love a wife. But this marital relationship also reflects profound spiritual truths. Ephesians 5 reveals that God established marriage between husband and wife to mirror Christ’s covenant relationship with the church. The husband emulates Christ as head and provider, lovingly leading with care and sacrifice. The wife emulates the church as helper and companion, respectfully supporting her husband in his leadership.
Within Christian marriage, the gospel story is reenacted and proclaimed as both spouses give themselves up for each other. God intends marriage to point to spiritual realities: Christ’s love and sacrifice for His people, Christ’s humility in taking a lowly role, the church’s tribute to Christ as Lord, the intimacy and unity possible between Christ and His church. So a husband’s care for his wife should be fueled by not just duty or affection, but also the motivation to honor the Lord and represent the beauty of the gospel.
Love as an Act of Worship
The Bible not only portrays a husband’s love for his wife as a reflection of divine love, but also actually as an act of worship to God. 1 Peter 4:7-8 describes a husband’s love and understanding toward his wife as something that honors and glorifies God: “Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” Loving one’s wife is connected directly to honoring and obeying God.
A husband who cherishes, nourishes, and sacrifices for his wife as the Bible instructs is worshipping God in one of the most important human relationships. His love and care for his wife brings glory to the Creator who designed marriage to reflect the gospel. It is a visible witness that points others to Christ. The way a husband honors and understands his wife should ideally cause others to praise God. So biblical love of a wife flows from reverence for Christ, brings Him glory, and reflects the worth of Jesus’ love for the church.
Role of Authority
Though the Bible commands mutual submission between husbands and wives, the husband is still given a unique authority and responsibility in marriage for Christ-like, servant leadership. Ephesians 5:23-24 explains, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” This authority is for the purpose of taking initiative like Christ to love, care for, and build up his wife and family.
The husband’s role is likened to Jesus’ authority over the church as Savior and Lord. It does not imply superiority or tyrannical control. Rather, he bears the responsibility before God to gently but firmly lead his wife by example in purity, integrity, faithfulness, care, and compassion like Christ. Authority in marriage should emulate Christ’s pattern of serving, sacrificing for, and bringing harmony and order for the good of His bride, the church.
Love Through Marital Roles
The Bible gives husbands and wives unique roles and responsibilities in marriage which can serve to express and strengthen love. Ephesians 5 explains, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Wives respectfully submit to husbands’ authority, while husbands exercise Christ-like sacrificial care and servant leadership.
Rather than threatening love, these marital roles allow spouses to serve each other, subdue selfishness and sin, honor Christ, and grow closer. Fulfilling their respective duties as wife and husband enables them to live out love, respect, intimacy, accountability, and unity in daily habits. Their differing roles should not create competition but instead complementarity. Embracing these distinctions gifts husbands and wives specific ways to cherish one another.
Conclusion
The Bible contains invaluable guidance for how a husband should love his wife, rooted in Christ’s example of loving and sacrificing for the church. Key principles include:
– Loving with kindness, patience and understanding
– Providing intimacy, friendship and unity
– Listening to her needs and desires
– Nourishing her spiritually and emotionally
– Protecting her and making her feel cherished
– Pursuing deeper knowledge of who she is
– Submitting to her as a fellow heir of grace
– Exercising Christ-like, servant leadership and authority
– Giving himself up for her unconditionally
Following these biblical models of care and unity enables husbands to partner with Christ in loving their wives. It allows them to enjoy the blessings of marriage as God designed it and witness to Christ’s love by the way they honor their wives. Husbands have a high calling to emulate Jesus’ level of love and selflessness for the church in the way they treat their brides.
