Lying can sometimes be associated with anxiety disorders. Many people who struggle with anxiety find themselves lying or omitting the truth in certain situations. However, lying is not a core symptom of anxiety disorders. There are a few reasons why some people with anxiety may be more prone to lying.
Lying to avoid anxiety-provoking situations
One of the main reasons people with anxiety disorders may lie more often is to avoid situations that provoke anxiety. For example, someone with social anxiety disorder may frequently make up excuses to get out of social engagements that make them feel extremely anxious and overwhelmed. They may lie about being sick, having other plans come up, family emergencies, etc. This type of lying is often driven by a desire to avoid the intense anxiety associated with social situations.
Lying to hide anxiety symptoms
Many people with anxiety feel ashamed or embarrassed about their symptoms and struggles. As a result, they may lie to hide signs of anxiety from others. For instance, someone may call out of work saying they are physically ill when really they are having a panic attack and anxiety flare-up. People may also lie about medications they are taking, therapy appointments, or other aspects of anxiety treatment in order to keep their mental health struggles private.
Lying as a compulsion with OCD
In some cases, lying can become a compulsive behavior for individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that someone feels driven to perform to alleviate anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Lying compulsively may provide temporary relief from obsessive worries. For example, someone obsessed with thoughts of being contaminated may compulsively lie about handwashing behaviors to avoid judgment or criticism.
Dissociation and lying
Severe anxiety can sometimes lead to dissociation, which involves feeling detached from reality. When someone is experiencing dissociation, they may lie, say strange things, or act out of character without intention or awareness. Dissociation is an unconscious coping mechanism that helps the person mentally escape from overwhelming stress and anxiety. After dissociative episodes, the individual often has little or no memory of their words and actions.
Impulsivity
Some anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), involve high levels of physiological arousal, agitation, and nervous system imbalance. This can lead to increased impulsivity and difficulty controlling behaviors and reactions. Impulsiveness and poor self-regulation may make it more likely for some individuals with anxiety to blurt out lies or mistruths without thinking them through.
Cognitive distortions
Individuals with anxiety often struggle with cognitive distortions, which are irrational or exaggerated ways of thinking. These may include catastrophizing (expecting the worst case scenario), black-and-white thinking (viewing experiences in extremes), or personalization (blaming themselves for external events). Cognitive distortions can influence behavior, leading people with anxiety to lie or bend the truth based on their negatively biased thought patterns rather than objective facts.
Seeking validation
Low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority are common with anxiety disorders. Some people with anxiety may compulsively lie to seek validation or admiration from others. Telling exaggerated stories or outright lies may provide a temporary boost of self-esteem and social approval. This behavior becomes problematic when the lying is excessive and out of control.
Difficulty building trust
The tendency to lie more frequently can erode trust and rapport in relationships for individuals with anxiety disorders. Always feeling guarded and being dishonest makes establishing closeness challenging. Dealing with revelations about past lies can also lead to increased anxiety and conflict. A cycle may develop where lying creates relationship problems, which then triggers more anxiety.
Shame about lying
Frequent or unnecessary lying often causes deep shame and guilt for people struggling with anxiety. However, without proper support, it becomes a difficult behavior to change. Many want to be more honest but feel powerless to break the lying habit. The additional shame around lying can fuel further anxiety, creating a vicious cycle.
Seeking professional help
For individuals whose lying seems uncontrollable or clearly linked to an anxiety disorder, seeking professional counseling is often very beneficial. A therapist can help address any underlying issues driving the behavior, provide tools to manage anxiety in healthier ways, and support the person in creating more open and honest relationships.
Cognitive-behavioral approaches
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) often helps reduce anxiety-related lying through techniques like:
- Identifying cognitive distortions and irrational thoughts triggering lies
- Learning to challenge negative thought patterns
- Developing alternative coping strategies to lying and avoidance
- Facing feared situations gradually with support
CBT provides practical tools to unlearn problematic behavioral patterns connected to anxiety disorders.
Acceptance commitment therapy
Acceptance commitment therapy (ACT) can also help by focusing on:
- Accepting anxiety and uncomfortable feelings rather than avoiding through lying
- Clarifying core values and aligning behavior to match those values
- Making a commitment to honesty and openness as an intrinsic value
- Letting go of shame and self-judgment
ACT aims to help the person align their actions with their values even while experiencing anxiety.
Psychodynamic approaches
Psychodynamic or psychoanalytic therapy approaches anxiety-related lying behaviors through:
- Exploring past relationship patterns and childhood origins of issues
- Building insight into subconscious drives and motivations
- Resolving inner conflicts causing dissociation or maladaptive behaviors
- Fostering awareness and self-acceptance
Pyschodynamic therapy aims to help people understand themselves on a deeper level to make positive changes.
Medications
Medications like SSRIs or SNRIs may be helpful accompanying treatment if anxiety is severe. Medication can help control intense anxiety symptoms and reduce impulsiveness, making it easier to focus on counseling work.
Self-help strategies
In addition to professional help, self-help strategies that can help reduce anxiety-linked lying include:
- Practicing mindfulness to increase self-awareness before speaking
- Learning and applying distress tolerance techniques
- Developing a support system of trusted confidants
- Committing to honesty as an ethical value
- Replacing lying with respectful assertiveness skills
- Fact checking distorted negative thoughts
- Seeking healthy validation from accomplishments
When lying becomes pathological
In some cases, frequent or compulsive lying may be part of a personality disorder. For instance, habitual, dramatic lying can be a symptom of histrionic personality disorder. Pathological lying that seems involuntary alongside other antisocial behaviors may indicate antisocial personality disorder.
When lying is very extreme, entrenched, and not fully explained by anxiety alone, evaluating for personality disorders may be needed. Treatment may require different approaches in these situations.
Age and development considerations
Some amount of lying, omitting, exaggeration, or cover-ups is common among children and youth, especially ages 6-15 years. This peaks around 8-12 years old as children test boundaries and become more socially aware. Some increased lying during adolescence is also developmentally normal.
However, excessive lying that persists beyond developmental stages, significantly impacts daily life, or appears involuntary may need professional evaluation. Pathological lying in children that is not age-appropriate or clearly socially motivated should raise concern.
Cultural considerations
Cultural background can influence social norms and attitudes around lying. Some cultures may place higher value on protecting group harmony or saving face than rigid honesty. However, if excessive lying is impairing an individual’s ability to function, professional assessment is recommended regardless of cultural context.
Gender differences
Research on gender differences in lying frequency and motivations is mixed. Some studies suggest men may be more likely to lie to appear impressive while women may lie more for emotional reasons. However, no consistent gender differences have emerged. Available data indicates that excessive, anxiety-driven lying can affect both genders.
Lying from the anxiety sufferer’s perspective
To provide more insight, here are some first-hand perspectives on lying from people experiencing anxiety disorders:
“I hate the lying but it’s the only way I know how to get through the day without completely losing it sometimes. I don’t enjoy hurting people or being dishonest, but when I get overwhelmed it feels like I almost leave my body and the lies come out automatically. I’m working hard in therapy to find better ways to cope.” – Jamie, Generalized Anxiety Disorder
“I downplay my anxiety a lot and don’t tell people when I’m really struggling. I say I’m fine because I’m ashamed of all my fears and want to appear normal. It’s definitely a control thing – I want to control how others see me.” – Frank, Social Anxiety Disorder
“I lie constantly about what’s really going on in my head. Partly it’s because the thoughts are so disturbing I don’t want to upset anyone else. And partly it’s just to minimize and deflect attention so I can try to keep functioning each day.” – Sue, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
“Lying for me is a trauma response – my brain goes into survival mode when I’m overwhelmed. I dissociate and say or do things without thinking them through or remembering later. It’s like my rational mind shuts off.” – Pat, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
In summary…
While lying can often accompany anxiety issues, it is not considered a core feature of anxiety disorders. Habitual or excessive lying seems most common in individuals with generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, OCD, and trauma-based anxiety. Reasons for lying may include avoidance of anxiety triggers, hiding symptoms, compulsivity, dissociation, impaired thinking, and an unconscious need for validation. Professional treatment along with self-help strategies focused on coping, cognitive reframing, value clarification, mindfulness, and distress tolerance can help break the lying cycle. When lying is more pathological in nature, evaluation for personality disorders may be warranted. Cultural context, age, and developmental stage should be considered. While anxiety itself does not make lying inevitable, it can be a factor driving the behavior in some individuals.
