Having a strong social support system is important for mental and physical health. Close friendships provide companionship, emotional support, and contribute to overall well-being. However, the optimal number of close friendships in your 20s is highly personal and depends on your individual needs and circumstances.
Why are friends important in your 20s?
Your 20s are a time of major life changes and transitions. Many people move to new cities, start careers, begin relationships, and take on new responsibilities during this decade. While exciting, these changes can also be challenging and stressful. Having a solid group of friends helps provide stability and support during turbulent times.
Close friends serve many important functions:
- Companionship – Friends keep you company and prevent loneliness
- Support – Friends provide emotional support and encouragement
- Fun – Friends create enjoyment, laughter, and excitement
- Advice – Friends provide perspective and guidance
- Stability – Long-term friendships provide consistency amidst life changes
- Personal growth – Friends help inspire growth and self-improvement
- Belonging – Friends provide a sense of connection and community
Maintaining close friendships in your 20s can also help lay the foundation for fulfilling relationships that last decades. Investing in friendships at this life stage pays dividends down the road.
Challenges of making friends in your 20s
Although friendships are crucial at this age, making and keeping friends can also be challenging for many reasons:
- Frequent moves – Many 20-somethings relocate for school, jobs, relationships, etc.
- Busy schedules – Work, school, and other commitments take up time
- Changing priorities – Some friends couple off or have kids
- Distance – Friends may live in different cities or countries
- Personal growth – Interests and values may evolve apart
Despite these obstacles, young adults are still able to form and maintain meaningful bonds by putting in effort to stay connected.
How many close friends are optimal in your 20s?
There is no magic number for how many close friends to have in your 20s. The ideal amount depends on your personality, interests, values, and season of life. However, researchers have found some general guidelines:
Most people can maintain about 5 “core confidants”
These are deeply close friends you share your authentic self with. Core confidants provide emotional support and intimacy but require investment to maintain.
15 intimate friends
This tier consists of close friends you may not see daily but still share a bond with. You discuss meaningful topics and provide mutual support.
50 good friends
This wider circle is made up of fun friends to socialize, relax, and enjoy activities with. Although not confidants, they enrich your life.
150 pleasant acquaintances
Acquaintances are people you interact with often but don’t necessarily confide in deeply. This might include coworkers, neighbors, classmates, etc. They widen your social network.
However, these numbers are just rough guidelines. The most important factors are that your friendships:
- Meet your social needs
- Provide meaningful connection
- Contribute to your well-being
Quality and depth matter more than quantity when cultivating friends.
Tips for making friends in your 20s
Here are some tips for expanding your social circle and meeting potential new friends in your 20s:
Pursue hobbies and interests
Join clubs, classes and meetups centered around your passions. Doing activities you enjoy allows you to meet like-minded people.
Make an effort with acquaintances
Deepen surface-level work, school or neighborhood acquaintances into potential friendships by making plans, learning more about them, and opening up.
Reconnect with old friends
Life stage changes may have disconnected you from some friends. Reach out to old pals you’ve lost touch with.
Be proactive and make the first move
Extend invitations, plan get-togethers, introduce yourself to new people. Making the first outreach boosts the chance of forming a bond.
Look for friends in unexpected places
Talk to people in everyday places like the gym, library, public transportation etc. You never know who you might connect with.
Focus on quality interactions
Seek out meaningful and authentic conversations, not just casual small talk. Show vulnerability, listen actively, and find common ground.
Embrace differences
Some of the best friendships bridge differences in interests, personality, background, and perspectives. Keep an open mind.
Nurture multiple friendship “circles”
Having separate social groups (work friends, college friends, etc.) provides a sense of balance and prevents monopolizing your time.
Make time and invest effort
Friendships don’t happen automatically. Prioritize socializing and put work into planning get-togethers to cultivate bonds.
Signs you need more friends
Here are some indicators that expanding your social circle should be a priority:
- You feel lonely frequently
- You mostly socialize with family or a romantic partner
- You don’t have anyone to call for help with a crisis
- You constantly cancel on plans
- You don’t have friends who share your interests
- You only have very casual acquaintances, but no close confidants
- You rarely receive texts, calls or invitations from friends
- You feel like you can’t be your authentic self around current friends
Pay attention if your current friendships are not providing enough meaningful social interaction. Reach out and put yourself out there to meet potential new pals.
Signs you have too many friends
On the other hand, these clues suggest you may be stretched too thin:
- You have anxiety or dread over social plans
- Your calendar is packed back-to-back with outings and events
- You have little free time to yourself
- You regularly cancel plans last minute
- You feel pressure to attend social events when you’d rather stay home
- You have trouble keeping track of friends’ details and life updates
- Your friendships lack depth and feel superficial
- You spend time with people more out of obligation than enjoyment
If maintaining all your relationships feels exhausting, focus on nurturing deeper bonds with fewer friends aligned to your needs and values.
How to maintain friendships in your 20s
Making an effort is key to keeping friends in your 20s amidst busy schedules and changing life stages. Here are some friendship maintenance tips:
Communicate frequently
Check in often via text, social media, phone calls or video chats. Make a habit of regular contact.
Be responsive
Promptly return messages and accept invitations (when possible). Don’t make friends chase you down.
Remember important dates
Wish friends well on birthdays, work milestones etc. Celebrate their accomplishments.
Follow up
If a friend is going through something major like a move, breakup, new job etc., take initiative to check in on them.
Make visiting a priority
If you’ve moved away from a close friend, make time to see each other in person when possible.
Bond over new experiences
Plan fun activities neither of you has tried before like concerts, outdoor adventures or workshops.
Allow the relationship to evolve
Expect that life changes will impact the friendship, but focus on adapting to each phase.
Give each other grace
Cut friends some slack when they struggle to connect as often as you’d like and grant them patience.
Make the effort equitable
Relationships are two-way streets. Avoid always being the one to initiate plans or make sacrifices.
How to end a friendship gracefully
Not all friendships are meant to last forever. If you’ve outgrown a friend, want to move on or realized the bond is unhealthy, here’s how to end it gracefully:
Reflect carefully first
Consider if there are repair strategies (talking out issues, agreeing to disagree) before concluding the friendship is unsalvageable.
Gradually distance yourself
Pulling back from constant contact versus abruptly cutting someone off gives them time to adjust.
Communicate your needs
If reasonable, explain to your friend what behaviours or treatment led to your decision before making a clean break.
Make other plans
Politely decline invitations and avoid leading them on that you want to continue the friendship as-is.
Don’t ghost completely
Unless dealing with abusive/toxic situations, try to tie up loose ends and provide some closure to your changing dynamic.
Remove triggers and memories
Hide or delete old texts, photos or social media connections that may reignite feelings of loss or anger.
Invest time in other friends
Spend more energy nurturing promising friendships so you don’t fixate on the dissolved one.
Wish them well
If the split was amicable, you can sincerely hope they find happiness, even if it’s not with you in their life.
Signs a friend may be toxic
Some friendships turn unhealthy or toxic. Watch for these red flags:
- They often put you down or criticize you
- They disregard your feelings or needs
- They frequently break promises or let you down
- They exhibit signs of jealousy towards you
- Your interactions leave you feeling drained or unhappy
- They engage in unethical, illegal or abusive behaviors
- They pressure or guilt you into doing things you don’t want to do
- You feel like you have to hide parts of yourself around them
- They cross reasonable boundaries you try to set
If a friend consistently treats you poorly or harmfully, you may need to reevaluate or even end the friendship altogether for your well-being.
Conclusion
Your 20s are full of major life changes that make close friendships crucial for support and fun. While the ideal number of friends is subjective, focus on cultivating a balanced social circle aligned to your relational needs. Make an effort to deepen bonds with new and old friends through shared interests and vulnerability. Invest time into the connections that matter most and don’t spread yourself too thin. With some intentional nurturing of meaningful friendship, your 20s will be enriched by memorable bonds that can last a lifetime.
