Being a “pick me girl” refers to women who seek male validation by putting other women down. They try very hard to convince men that they are “not like other girls” by being overly agreeable and submissive. Pick me girls often perpetuate stereotypes against their own gender just to get attention and approval from men. If you are wondering if you exhibit pick me girl behaviors, here are some signs to look out for:
You Constantly Put Other Women Down
One of the most obvious signs of a pick me girl is constantly making critical or snarky comments about other women. You might say things like “Ugh, she’s so dramatic, I hate girls like that” or “I could never leave the house wearing what she has on”. Pick me girls constantly reinforce the “I’m not like other girls” attitude by insulting the behavior, interests, or appearance of other women. Healthy people build themselves up without having to tear others down.
You Over-Accommodate Men
Pick me girls tend to act very accommodating and agreeable around men. They laugh at every joke men make even when the jokes are sexist or demeaning. They go out of their way to satisfy men’s wishes and offer unsolicited advice to men about how to attract women. Essentially, pick me girls act like unpaid consultants for men hoping to win male admiration. They ignore their own needs and desires if it contradicts what a man wants.
You Expect Men to Pay for You
Some pick me girls use helplessness and passiveness as a way to get male attention. They expect men to pay for dates, drinks, gifts, etc. as a way to feel pampered and desired. They ask for men’s help with basic tasks that they could easily do themselves like carrying heavy things, opening jars, or driving them places. While chivalry itself is not bad, pick me girls adopt a damsel in distress persona because they know it garners interest from some men.
You Dress to Get Attention from Men
Pick me girls often dress sexy or provocative when going out in hopes of getting noticed by men. They base their appearance and wardrobe choices on what they think men will find attractive. For example, wearing revealing low-cut tops when going to a bar or pushing up their cleavage when taking selfies. Their style centers around male gaze rather than personal expression. They use their looks as currency for male validation.
You Idolize Men Over Women
Pick me girls seem to admire and praise men much more than women. They brag about having mostly male friends. The celebrities, historical figures, and role models they look up to tend to be male rather than female. Conversationally, they refer to men’s opinions as having more weight and authority. A pick me seeks to be “one of the guys” because she views men as more interesting or superior to women as a whole.
You View Other Women as Competition
Pick me girls have an inherent mistrust or dislike towards women they perceive as competition. If another woman is getting positive attention from men in the room, the pick me girl feels threatened. She is on guard against women she considers more attractive, intelligent, successful, or funnier than herself. Rather than supporting and empowering each other, pick me girls view female peers through a lens of jealousy and resentment.
You Criticize Women for Being Too Feminist
Pick me girls often react negatively to feminist viewpoints. They call women “overly sensitive” or “man haters” for supporting equal rights and opportunities for women. Topics like the wage gap, workplace sexism, and #MeToo tend to make pick me girls uncomfortable because they conflict with the fantasy that women already have equality. Pick me ideology hinges on being “chill” and denying that misogyny is still a real problem.
You Take Pride in Having Mostly Male Friends
Having friends of the opposite gender is perfectly healthy. However, pick me girls wear the fact that most or all of their friends are male like a badge of honor. Statements like “I’ve always gotten along better with guys” or “Girls are just too much drama” reveal a pick me attitude. They prefer male friends because they think men are less emotional, more logical, and align better with their interests. A broad, diverse social circle is optimal for everyone.
You Act Dumb or Helpless to Get Attention
Some pick me girls pretend to be less smart or capable than they really are just to gain interest from men. They ask men obvious questions and feign ignorance about basic topics that they actually know well already. Things like acting confused about sports, cars, tools, etc. that are stereotypically male interests. The façade allows men to mansplain things to them which makes the men feel intelligent and needed. It’s a coy manipulation strategy.
You Only Show Interest in Stereotypically Male Hobbies
Pick me girls lean heavily into stereotypical male interests and hobbies. Sports, cars, motorcycles, hunting, fishing, gaming, etc. While girls certainly can genuinely enjoy those things, pick me girls pretend to be interested in them just to impress men. Even if they privately have feminine interests like make-up, fashion, or reality TV, they hide those things to appeal to men. Their interests are performative instead of authentic.
You Avoid Typical Female Interests & Behaviors
Along with playing up interest in stereotyped male hobbies, pick me girls avoid anything perceived as girly. Things like romantic comedies, shopping, make-up, celebrity gossip, and reality TV are considered embarrassments. Taking selfies, crying, gushing over babies/puppies, and other emotive behaviors get suppressed too. Pick me girls shun anything that could undermine their “cool girl” image in front of men.
You Make Other Women Look Bad to Win Favor
One of the most telltale pick me behaviors is putting down other women as a strategy to make themselves look better by comparison. For example, cutting down a female co-worker’s idea in a meeting while praising the male co-workers’ idea even if they are equally good ideas. Or at a bar, standing by quietly while a male friend makes sexist comments about other women with the hopes that your silence gains male approval.
You Don’t Support Other Women’s Accomplishments
Pick me girls don’t cheer on or support the accomplishments of other women. If another woman gets a promotion at work, the pick me girl tries to undermine it by questioning if she deserved it. When a female friend shares good news like an engagement or pregnancy, the pick me girl reacts with jealousy instead of happiness. Pick me girls see other women’s success as a threat to the attention they want from men.
You See Male Approval as Your Ultimate Goal
Above all, the central aim for a pick me girl is getting validation from men. This manifests in seeking men’s laughter, praise, interest, and admiration often through the previously described tactics. Their sense of pride and confidence comes from feeling noticed and “picked” by men. They depend on male attention to fuel their self-esteem instead of feeling secure on their own.
You Think Saying “I’m Not a Feminist” Makes You Cool
Many pick me girls distance themselves from anything labeled as feminism. They think identifying as a feminist will make men see them as annoying, radical, or difficult. This stems from negative stereotypes portraying feminists as inherently unattractive, angry, and irrational. The pick me girl sees herself as the chill, hot, reasonable girl in contrast to the undesirable feminist image. Being anti-feminist becomes part of her appeal.
You Don’t Speak Up for Other Women
When men make degrading or sexist remarks around pick me girls, they usually just smile and stay quiet. They want to be the woman who finds everything funny and unoffensive. So they do not call out men’s inappropriate behavior like objectification, mansplaining, or dismissing women’s pain. Standing up for other women would clash with their priority of keeping things light and agreeable with men.
You Think Men and Women Can Never Really Be Friends
Many pick me girls don’t believe that authentic friendships can exist between men and women. They think one party is always secretly wanting more. So when she socializes with other women’s boyfriends or husbands, her intention is to win them over romantically or sexually. She uses her “cool girl” persona as a way to lure attached men away from their partners. She can’t fathom platonic friendships across genders existing.
You Overly Compliment and Flatter Men
Pick me girls are very free and effusive with compliments towards men. Even men they barely know get showered with praise over their looks, wit, intelligence, talents, etc. This over-the-top adulation is usually not reciprocated to nearly the same degree. The pick me thrives on making men feel admired and superior by her constant inflated flattery and validation. It’s excessive even by typical social standards.
You think Misogyny Ended Years Ago
Pick me girls deny that society is still impacted by misogyny. They think feminism solved all gender inequality issues decades ago and women have achieved equality now. When other women complain about sexism or harassment, pick me girls call them overly sensitive or accuse them of playing victim. Admitting ongoing biases against women would shatter the facade of their post-sexism utopia.
Here are 10 key behaviors that identify a pick me girl:
|Putting down other women||Over-accommodating men|
|Expecting men to pay for her||Dressing sexy to attract men|
|Idolizing men over women||Viewing women as competition|
|Criticizing feminists||Having mostly male friendships|
|Acting dumb or helpless||Only showing interest in male hobbies|
|Not supporting other women||Seeking male approval as the ultimate goal|
At the core, pick me girl behavior stems from the belief that female worth comes from being validated by men. It manifests in putting down fellow women, molding your interests to suit men, and vigorously seeking male admiration. But change is possible for pick me girls. The first step is noticing problematic thought patterns like viewing women as enemies or over-crediting men’s opinions. Seek out healthy female friendships, celebrate women’s accomplishments, and find value in your female identity. Do things for your own fulfillment rather than male praise. Your self-esteem should not revolve around being “picked” by men.