How do you tell if a girl is just keeping you around?

Figuring out if a girl is genuinely interested in you or just stringing you along can be tricky. Women can be mysterious creatures, and their motives are not always clear. However, there are some telltale signs that suggest a woman is just keeping you around for convenience or attention, rather than having a sincere interest in pursuing a relationship. Being able to recognize these signs can help you avoid being taken advantage of or strung along.

She Only Contacts You When She’s Bored or Needs Something

One of the biggest red flags is if she only reaches out to you when she’s bored or needs a favor. If she hits you up out of the blue after days or weeks of no contact, she’s likely just using you for entertainment or to run errands for her. A girl who is truly interested will make an effort to maintain consistent communication and make time for you.

Pay attention to patterns in her communication style. Does she text you late at night, but give you radio silence during the day? Does she only hit you up when she needs a ride or someone to help her move? If she only contacts you on her terms when it’s convenient for her, it’s a sign she’s keeping you around for selfish reasons.

She Flirts With or Talks About Other Guys

A major warning sign is if she openly flirts with other guys in front of you or frequently talks about the other men she’s dating or talking to. This type of behavior clearly signals that you are not a priority and she is keeping her options open.

Some casual mention of other men may not mean much, but if she regularly brings up her dates with other guys or is always pointing out men she finds attractive, it usually means you’re more of a backup option or ego boost to her than a potential partner.

She Avoids Labels and Commitment

If you’ve been talking and seeing each other for weeks or months but she avoids defining the relationship or any conversation surrounding commitment, she likely has no interest in exclusivity. A girl who wants to be with you will be eager to put a label on things and discuss where it’s heading.

Similarly, If you’ve had the relationship talk but she still flirts with other men or rarely makes time for you, she wants to keep her options open while stringing you along. Actions speak louder than words – if she dodges commitment in practice, she’s just keeping you around.

Your Dates Always End at Hello or Goodbye

While not every date needs to end in a kiss or hookup, if she never allows you to make a move or come back to her place, it’s not a good sign. Some women may want to take things slow physically, which is perfectly normal.

However, if she bluntly shoots you down every time you try to initiate anything intimate and every date ends with an awkward hug or peck, she likely has no romantic interest. She wants the attention and companionship of dating without the romance or connection.

She Rarely Asks Personal Questions

A girl invested in you will want to get to know you on a deeper level by asking personal questions about your hopes, dreams, family, friendships, and past relationships. Sharing intimate details and being vulnerable helps create an emotional bond.

If your conversations remain surface level and she seems totally uninterested whenever you open up, she has no desire to form a real connection. She’s just keeping you around for superficial reasons, not to get to know you better.

She Never Opens Up About Herself

A one-sided dynamic where she expects you to share and listen while revealing little about her own life is a sign she’s not serious about you.

Healthy relationships involve mutual openness and vulnerability. If she dodges questions about her past, family, or feelings and finds ways to steer the conversation back to you, she doesn’t want to risk being known.

Holding back is easier when you don’t see a future together. She likely enjoys the attention you provide but has no interest in allowing you to truly know her.

She Bails on Plans Frequently

We all have busy schedules and unavoidable conflicts come up. But if she consistently blows off plans you’ve made together or ghosts you on the day of a date, she’s sending the message your time together isn’t a priority.

Excuses like “something just came up” or “I’m really busy right now” really mean “I don’t feel like putting in the effort.” Don’t allow her to get away with constantly canceling on you or showing up hours late without good reason.

If you’re always waiting around on her instead of experiencing mutual effort and consideration, she has little respect for you or the relationship.

You Only See Her in Group Settings

Couples need one-on-one time to nurture intimacy and romance. If your only interactions are when you’re out in a group setting or with other friends, it’s a red flag she sees you as more of a fun social companion than a love interest.

Many girls keep guys they’re not serious about “in the friend zone” – close enough to flirt and get attention when she’s bored, but not close enough to lead to true commitment. Pay attention to how she acts in groups vs alone.

She Never Takes Initiative

You always have to be the one asking to hang out, picking the place and time, initiating contact, and pushing the relationship forward. But if she makes no effort to set dates herself or furthers intimacy, she has likely friend-zoned you.

While traditional gender norms are outdated, the reality is anyone genuinely keen on you will put in effort, not passively wait around indefinitely. Don’t get strung along by someone who expects you to do all the work for a relationship she’s not serious about.

She Only Sees You Late at Night

If you spend time together, it’s strictly during late night hours. There’s a good chance you’re just a “booty call” to her if the only time she reaches out is after 10 or 11pm asking you to come over.

Girls who are interested in someone romantically will make time during normal hours for real dates. If she only contacts you when she’s in the mood for a hookup on her schedule, she likely has you slotted as a convenient backup.

She Gets Jealous or Nosy About Other Women

Some may see jealousy as a sign of love, but more often it’s a sign of insecurity and wanting to maintain control over you. If she interrogates you about other women in your life or gets upset when she catches you talking to or looking at other girls, she sees you as a possession.

A woman who loves and respects you will trust you to handle platonic friendships or random interactions with the opposite sex. Beware girls who try to keep you from close female friends or flirt openly just to provoke her.

You Only Hang Out at One of Your Places

Couples need to share experiences out in public together and try new things. If your meetups almost always involve coming over to her place or yours to chill in private, your relationship may lack depth.

Going out on real dates lets you connect while doing fun activities you both enjoy. If she initiates real dates rarely or never, she’s likely not taking it seriously and just using you for companionship or intimacy when she’s bored.

She Leaves Right After Sex

It’s normal for either gender to sometimes bounce after a hookup instead of staying the night, especially in newer relationships. But if she always rushes to leave soon as sex is over, it may signal she’s in it purely for the physical.

Girls who care are much more likely to stay and cuddle for a while. If she’s always getting dressed to leave ASAP post-sex, she likely doesn’t value you beyond the physical intimacy. Don’t allow yourself to be used.

She Only Reaches Out Via Text

In the early dating phase, texting is normal as you’re getting to know each other. But if you’ve been talking for months and she still refuses to chat on the phone or FaceTime, it’s not a great sign.

Avoiding more direct communication makes it easier for her to keep you at arm’s length. Insist on talking in person or at least by voice at some point. Pay attention if she finds excuses to avoid it or flakes when you try to set something up.

She Openly Checks Out or Flirts With Other Guys

It’s one thing to notice an attractive stranger in passing. Subtly checking someone out here or there while you’re together is inevitable. But if she openly gawks at or flirts with other men right in front of you, it’s beyond disrespectful.

You should be able to expect basic decency and regard for your feelings from someone you’re dating. If she chronically ogles other guys and tries to make you jealous, she’s likely craving endless attention and validation.

You Don’t Really Know Any of Her Friends

If you’ve gone out a few times but haven’t met any of her friends, she probably has you compartmentalized away from the rest of her social life. That’s a sign you’re not someone she wants to get serious with.

Girls who see potential with a guy are excited to bring him into their world by introducing him to friends. If she’s refused to let you meet friends when you’ve asked or avoids talking about her social circles, she wants to keep you at a distance.

You Never Go Out on Real Dates

While Netflix and chilling has its benefits, real dates out in public are important foundations for a budding relationship. If you’ve been talking for weeks but have never gone on an actual date, she likely sees you as a hookup option or time filler.

Make concrete date plans like going to a cool bar, fun activity, or new restaurant you think she’d enjoy. If she routinely “rains checks” or diverts back to coming over, she’s not invested in dating you seriously.

She’s Obsessed With Social Media

We all use social media to some degree, but obsession with getting likes and attention on Instagram or Snapchat often signals deeper issues. If she seems to care more about presenting an image online than real intimacy, be wary.

You want someone focused on building an authentic connection, not chasing validation through selfies and filters. Make sure she puts her phone away to be present during your in-person dates. If she’s more interested in showing off on social media than bonding with you, move on.

She Never Compromises

Healthy relationships require compromise from both partners. You should take turns choosing date activities or hanging out with each other’s friend groups. If she always expects you to do what she wants and make the effort, she’s self-centered.

Don’t allow her to call all the shots or guilt you if you can’t accommodate her needs 24/7. You deserve effort and compromise too. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway, she’s likely just using you for self-gain.


Knowing when a girl is just dangling you along versus genuinely interested is tricky but important. Look for patterns in how she communicates, spends time with you, and shares personal details. If your interactions are superficial and one-sided, she likely sees you as a source of attention rather than a partner.

Trust actions over words and don’t cling to baseless hope. You deserve reciprocated effort and respect. Keep vetting potential partners until you find the woman excited to build something real.

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