How do you tell if he is attracted to someone else?

Quick answers to key questions

It can be difficult to tell if your partner is attracted to someone else. Here are some quick answers to common questions:

Is he acting differently or distant?

If your partner is suddenly acting distant, spending less time with you, or just seems “off,” this could indicate he’s interested in someone else. Pay attention to any changes in his normal behavior.

Does he talk about someone new frequently?

If your partner keeps mentioning a new female friend or co-worker, this could be a sign he has feelings for her. Take note if he brings up the same name over and over.

Is he guarding his phone or social media?

If your partner is suddenly very protective of his phone and social media accounts, he may be hiding communications with another woman. Increased secrecy can signal attraction to someone else.

Is he lying about where he’s going or who he’s with?

Consistent dishonesty about your partner’s plans, activities, or interactions with specific people can definitely indicate he’s attracted to someone else and sneaking around.

Is he dressing differently or more carefully?

When your partner puts extra effort into his appearance before going out, it could mean he wants to impress another woman. Dramatic changes in clothing, hairstyle, cologne, etc. can be red flags.

Changes in your relationship

While it’s impossible to know for sure what’s going on in your partner’s head, you can look for changes in your own relationship that might suggest he’s attracted to someone else. Subtle shifts like the following can be signs:

Less interest in sex with you

If your intimate life has inexplicably started to taper off, it may be because your partner is focused on someone else. Less satisfaction with your sex life together can signal he’s attracted to another woman.

Decline in affection

If your partner stops acting as loving towards you and no longer initiates hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc., he may have feelings for someone else. A drop in affection is often one of the first signs.

Forgetfulness about your relationship

When your partner stops remembering important dates, events, and details about your life together, this lack of care can indicate his attention is focused elsewhere.

Less communication

Your partner suddenly seeming less interested in talking with you or engaging in real conversations can stem from an emotional disconnect. He may be confiding in and opening up to another woman instead.

A sense he’s emotionally checked out

You probably know when your partner feels distant or emotionally unavailable. If you sense he’s not fully “there” in your relationship, he may have feelings for someone else pulling his attention away.

Signs to watch for when you’re together

Your partner’s behavior when you’re together can also hold clues about any attraction to another woman. Notice these signs:

Focusing attention elsewhere

If your partner seems distracted, uninterested, or glued to his phone when you’re trying to spend quality time together, he may be communicating with someone else.

Flirtatious social media activity

Flirty comments, likes, and direct messages exchanged with another woman on social media platforms are HUGE red flags. These are nearly impossible to hide.

Excessive mention of a certain person

If your partner keeps finding excuses to bring up a particular female friend or colleague, it likely means she’s on his mind. Take note if one woman’s name keeps coming up.

Suspicious guarding of phone/devices

If your partner suddenly refuses to let you touch his phone or computer, changes passwords, hides notification screens, etc. he very well may be hiding communications with another woman.

Increased criticism towards you

Partners attracted to someone else sometimes subconsciously criticize you more often over minor issues, appearance, and other aspects they now perceive as flaws.

Analyzing your partner’s typical “type”

Looking at the women your partner tends to admire or be attracted to can provide clues as well. Ask yourself:

Does his ideal “type” align with you?

If your partner’s celebrity crushes, favorite actresses, or general preferences are very different from you, he may be drawn to seek those qualities in someone else.

Is there a pattern in who catches his eye?

Look at your past and the women he typically notices. If you spot consistent qualities/traits you lack, he may be gravitating toward them.

Has he voiced preferences counter to your attributes?

If your partner overtly states he wishes you were more outgoing, aggressive, adventurous, etc. he may be attracted to women with those tendencies.

Does he follow many accounts aligned with his “dream girl”?

The types of accounts your partner follows on social media give major clues. If they tend to be women matching an idealized physical type, take note.

Does he socialize with groups of his preferred “type”?

Pay attention to the social circles your partner is a part of. Being surrounded by many women matching his preferences can be tempting.

Reacting constructively if you suspect attraction

If you’ve spotted multiple signs your partner may be attracted to someone else, avoid:

Overreacting prematurely

Don’t jump to conclusions or confront your partner without concrete proof. Take more time to observe interactions and gather evidence before reacting.

Bottling up all your feelings

Keep some level of open communication with your partner about what you’ve noticed, and how it makes you feel, before emotions overwhelm you.

Trying to change yourself

You are enough as you are. Do not try changing your personality or physical appearance in attempts to win back your partner’s attention.

Snooping through private accounts/devices

Invading your partner’s privacy by sneaking into private accounts or devices will only make the situation worse between you.

Issuing demands or threats

Aggressive demands or threats focused on the other woman (“stay away from him” etc.) typically backfire. Keep communication focused on your feelings and relationship.

Considering whether counseling could help

If you still suspect your partner is attracted to someone else after constructive communication, consider:

Individual counseling for perspective

Speaking with an objective therapist or counselor can provide much-needed insight into your options and the health of your relationship.

Relationship counseling to increase intimacy

A counselor may be able to help you and your partner pinpoint issues driving you apart and reestablish greater closeness.

Trial separation for space

Temporary separation could give you both space to gain clarity. Set clear rules and boundaries if you go this route.

Exploring core reasons behind the attraction

Counseling can help reveal any conflicts, deficits, or underlying wounds leading your partner to be drawn elsewhere.

Deciding if ending the relationship is healthiest

If your partner refuses counseling or can’t end contact, it may be time to walk away. Your counselor can advise you here.

Key Takeaways

Trust your gut instincts

If your intuition tells you your partner is attracted to someone else, it’s usually correct. Don’t ignore red flags.

Assess his interactions with her

Your partner’s mannerisms, conversation styles, body language, and overall demeanor with another woman will reveal much.

Watch for emotional distance from you

Less engagement in your relationship is one of the most common signs of attraction elsewhere. Note changes.

Communicate directly and openly

Have honest conversations focused on your feelings and observations. Avoid accusations.

Consider counseling for guidance

An objective counselor can provide perspective on your relationship’s issues and chances of repair.

Prioritize your self-respect

If your partner refuses to end inappropriate contact, you may have to walk away with your dignity intact.

Signs a mutual attraction is forming

It’s one thing if your partner seems attracted to another woman, but far more concerning if she appears mutually interested in return. Some signs this dangerous mutual chemistry is brewing:

You spot them making prolonged eye contact

Catching the two holding gaze for longer periods suggests intimacy and interest. This is especially telling in group settings.

Their body language syncs up

Observe if they subconsciously begin to coordinate physically and replicate each other’s postures. This signals rapport.

You notice her “orbiting” near him

Her tendency to consistently position herself near, hover around, or repeatedly walk by your partner is strategic. It’s meant to gain his notice.

She laughs exaggeratedly at all his jokes

Over-the-top, eager laughter at even your partner’s least funny remarks is a classic flirting technique to stroke his ego. Big red flag.

You catch them finding excuses to touch

Brief, seemingly accidental touches to the arm, shoulder, back, etc. allow them to establish physical contact and test chemistry.

Their conversations seem too private for “just friends”

Hushed tones, leaning in closely, speaking in inside jokes, and steering clear of group interactions imply intimacy between them.

Responding productively if she reciprocates

If you suspect another woman mutually attracted to your partner, avoid:

Lashing out at or blaming her

Remember, your partner is equally responsible. Making her the “enemy” often backfires.

Trying to police their interactions

Stooping to hover around them or break up their private chats screams distrust and neediness.

Making jealous scenes in public

Causing dramatic confrontations in social settings just creates more embarrassment for you and distance in your relationship.

Threatening/shaming/insulting her

Any attacks or name-calling will likely rally your partner to her defense and further weaken your position.

Using friends/family to monitor the situation

Relying on others to spy on your partner breeds more dishonesty and evasion.

Tips if you confront attraction concerns

If you decide to proactively voice concerns to your partner about his attraction to another woman, keep these tips in mind:

Choose a neutral time and setting

Don’t attack as soon as he walks in the door. Pick a stress-free time in a comfortable place.

Focus the conversation on your feelings

Steer clear of accusations or blaming. Use “I feel…” statements to describe your insecurities.

Give specific examples that worry you

Provide concrete illustrations of interactions or behaviors that create jealousy and distance for you.

Speak calmly and openly

Avoid sounding angry or combative. The goal is to communicate vulnerably and reestablish intimacy.

Suggest counseling to uncover roots

Therapy often helps reveal underlying emotional voids or misunderstandings driving the attraction.

Agree on transparency expectations

Mutually consent on appropriate boundaries regarding their communication/contact moving forward.

Ways to rekindle your connection

If navigating attraction issues, focusing on strengthening your own bond can help tremendously. Consider:

Scheduling dedicated couple time

Protect your calendar to ensure you enjoy regular date nights, outings, and check-ins without distractions.

Trying new adventures together

Shake up your routine. Shared novel experiences stimulate relationship chemicals and bonding.

Revisiting your happiest memories

Purposefully reminiscing about peak moments from your life together can help recapture that magic.

Attending counseling or workshop retreats

Get professional guidance tailor-made to overcome communication blocks and reconnect.

Coordinating weekly intimacy dates

Build anticipation with sexy texts and flirting during the week; set Wednesdays as your standing physical connection night.

Charting relationship gratitude lists

Write out all the qualities and quirks you cherish in your partner. Verbalize these.

Deciding when it may be time to let go

If your partner’s attraction to someone else has damaged trust and intimacy beyond repair, you may need to:

Accept that the relationship has fundamentally changed

It will likely never feel the same once sacred boundaries have been crossed.

Stop blaming yourself

Your worth isn’t defined by another person’s decisions or feelings. You are enough.

Cut contact if needed for emotional health

Sometimes completely severing contact for a period is the only way to heal.

List your deal-breakers

Get crystal clear on what behaviors you can’t accept long-term in a relationship. Stick to them.

Set a time limit for change

Give a deadline for when you’ll walk if he refuses to end inappropriate contact or take steps to work on your relationship.

Enlist support from close friends/family

Rally trusted loved ones to remind you of your value when emotions are raw.


Noticing that your partner seems attracted to someone else can spur jealousy, erode trust, and create distance in your relationship. Look for changes in emotional engagement with you, secrecy, lying about contact, and flirtatious interactions with another woman. Address concerns constructively by focusing conversations on your feelings rather than accusations. Seek counseling if needed to uncover root issues driving you apart or rekindle intimacy. While uncomfortable, overcoming attraction challenges together can ultimately strengthen your commitment if both partners are willing to do the work. However, if repeated boundaries are crossed, it may be healthiest to walk away. With support and self-compassion, you can move forward from the situation with dignity.

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