How do I spice up my 7 year relationship?

After being with your partner for 7 years, it’s common for things to start feeling stale. The spark and excitement you felt at the beginning of the relationship has likely faded. This is normal in long-term relationships, but it doesn’t mean you have to settle for boring. There are many ways to bring back the passion and have fun again with your significant other.

In the first few paragraphs, it’s important to validate the reader’s feelings. Many people feel bad about losing the “honeymoon phase” excitement, so normalize this experience. Assure them that it’s common to seek advice on spicing things up after being together for so long.

Some quick answers to common questions in the intro:
– Why does the passion fade in long-term relationships? The brain chemical dopamine is released in large amounts at the start of a new relationship. Dopamine boosts excitement. After the honeymoon period ends, dopamine levels go back to normal. This can make the relationship feel less thrilling.
– Does fading passion mean we’re no longer in love? No, it’s normal for passionate attraction to morph into calmer companionate love. You can still be very much in love even when the adrenaline rush wears off.
– Does needing to spice things up mean something is wrong or broken? Not at all! Needing novelty and excitement in a long-term relationship is completely natural. There are many fun ways to bring back the spark.

Make Time for High-Quality One-on-One Time

One of the most important ways to rekindle the passion in a long-term relationship is to make each other a priority. After the first few years, it’s easy to get caught up in work, kids, and other responsibilities. This leaves little time and energy for romance.

To bring back the spark, set aside dedicated couple time. Here are some tips:

– Plan weekly date nights – with no kids allowed! Take turns planning unique dates each week. Get dressed up and treat it like a special occasion. Date nights give you something to look forward to.

– Schedule sex. Yes, that sounds unromantic. But you can prevent your sex life from fizzling by putting it on the calendar. Sex often falls by the wayside when you’re busy. Scheduling it ensures you make time for intimacy.

– Take weekend getaways together when possible. A change of scenery brings fresh excitement. Check into a hotel and pretend you’re on a trip.

– Have screens off time. Phones, TVs, laptops – all devices get ignored for set periods of time. This allows you to fully focus on each other without distractions.

– Share new experiences. Do things you’ve never done before, like ballroom dance classes or a hot air balloon ride. Novelty activates the brain’s reward system.

The key is reconnecting one-on-one. Give your relationship focused attention it may have lost over time. Prioritize each other.

Surprise Each Other

Another way to increase excitement is to bring back an element of surprise. When you’ve been together for years, your lives can become overly predictable. You know each other’s habits and routines in detail. Mixing things up reminds you both that your partner still has the ability to surprise you after all these years.

Some fun ways to surprise your longtime love:

– Plan an impromptu weekend trip or date night. Don’t provide any hints about your plans. The mystery builds anticipation.

– Leave sweet notes in unexpected places like their car or coat pocket. Heartfelt words go a long way.

– Research their sexual fantasies and try one out together. Fulfilling a fantasy shows you’re still excited to explore new territory.

– Cook their favorite meal or get tickets to see their favorite band. Thoughtful gestures show how well you know them.

– Send flower or gift deliveries to their office for no reason at all. Random spoiling feels great.

– Pack a sexy overnight bag and book a hotel suite. Whisk them away on short notice.

– Rent out a venue special to you as a couple for a private romantic event. The surprise location makes it meaningful.

Think back to what first attracted you to each other. Chances are it was the thrill of someone new, fascinating and full of exciting potential. Surprises bring back that feeling of curiosity and fascination.

Try New Things Together

Long-term couples often fall into ingrained habits and routines. You likely have favorite restaurants, TV shows, vacations spots and so on. Mixing up your usual activities introduces novelty and variety into the relationship.

Pushing your comfort zones together bonds you through shared new experiences. It also adds an element of excitement. Here are some ideas:

– Take a cooking class. Learning a new skill together builds intimacy.

– Go on a group fitness retreat like a yoga bootcamp. Exercising boosts feel-good endorphins.

– Go to venues outside your usual, like a jazz club or poetry reading. Expand your interests.

– Take a road trip with no set plans. Wander off the beaten path.

– Learn something like sailing or ballroom dance. Couples lessons are bonding.

– Volunteer together with a local organization. Helping others feels fulfilling.

– Swap chores for a day. You’ll gain a new appreciation for each other’s contributions.

– Backpack across Europe. Travel is eye-opening.

– Have an at-home spa day complete with couples massages. Pampering is relaxing.

Stepping outside your comfort zone sparks growth. Being open to trying new things keeps your relationship exciting.

Spice Things Up in the Bedroom

Reigniting physical passion is important for bringing back the spark. After years together, you likely have a robust mental library of go-to moves. While sexual familiarity feels great, introducing novelty activates the brain’s reward system. New sexual experiences release extra dopamine, amping up arousal.

Here are some tips for spicing things up in the bedroom:

– Watch ethical porn together. Seeing new techniques can inspire creativity.

– Read erotica out loud to each other. Imagining new scenarios is titillating.

– Have sex in unexpected places, like your backyard, a hotel balcony or deserted beach. The thrill of potentially getting caught makes it exciting.

– Talk openly about your fantasies. Maybe you’ve always wanted to try bondage or sex toys – now is the time to share.

– Go to a sex shop together and buy something adventurous, like a new vibrator or lingerie. The shared new experience brings you closer.

– Send each other naughty texts throughout the day building anticipation for later. Sexting boosts sexual tension.

– Watch each other self-pleasure. Seeing your partner aroused is a turn-on.

– Take sex quizzes together. Discussing desires is intimate.

– Buy a sex games kit. Acting out fun scenarios makes you laugh and connects you.

Don’t be afraid to think outside your usual sexual box. Exploring new territory together keeps things exciting.

Flirt Like You Just Started Dating

When you first started seeing each other, you likely flirted constantly. Heart-racing flirtation fueled the fire during the honeymoon phase. You can recapture some of that magic by flirting like you just met.

Some playful ways for longtime lovers to flirt:

– Make cheeky compliments about their appearance. Let them know you still find them irresistible.

– Send flirty texts and emojis throughout the day. A winky face or kissing lips goes a long way.

– Gently tease them about things they do that you find cute. Lovingly poke fun at their habits.

– Compliment their talents and intelligence too, not just looks. Well-rounded praise matters.

– Reminisce about your first dates. Share what drew you to each other from the start.

– Briefly touch or caress them when you pass by. A hand around the waist or stroke down the arm shows desire.

– Meet up for coffee before work. Morning flirting sets the tone for the day.

– Whisper sweet nothings and inside jokes in their ear. Private laughter connects you.

– Make eye contact across the room at parties. Share knowing glances only the two of you understand.

Playful, loving flirtation helps you apprecite each other. It’s easy to take a partner for granted after years together. Flirting reminds you not to.

Recreate Your First Dates

Here’s a fun way to take a stroll down memory lane while bringing back that new romance feeling – recreate your early dates! Reminiscing about the start of your relationship boosts positive emotions. And reminiscing together strengthens your bond.

Discuss the details of your first dates. Where did you go? What did you do? Then pick a few favorites to recreate – even book the exact same restaurants or activities if they’re still around.

When you recreate special early dates, prepare to time travel:

– Wear similar outfits to what you wore the first time. Take photos in the same poses.

– Discuss the same topics you talked about then – dreams, interests, childhood memories. See how perspectives change.

– Before going, reread old texts or social media posts from around the time of the original date. Soak up nostalgia.

– Do pre-date prep like you did early on. Shave, primp, change outfits repeatedly – enjoy the excitement.

– Have your partner pick you up and bring a little gift, like flowers or candy, to really commit.

When you actually reenact the date, soak up the memories and newfound appreciation for each other. Chat about how much has changed and stayed the same. Feel giddy together like the first time around.

Take a Relationship Class or Workshop

Relationships are always evolving. Learning new skills together can strengthen your bond at any stage. Taking a couples class or workshop builds intimacy through shared new experiences. You also gain helpful relationship insights from experts.

Fun classes and workshops to take together:

– Dance lessons, like ballroom, salsa or tango. Dance is great foreplay.

– Couples massage workshops. Give each other relaxing massages while learning techniques.

– Wine tasting or cooking classes. Enjoy small indulgences together.

– Stand up comedy workshop. Writing jokes together is bonding.

– Improv or acting classes. Being silly loosens you up.

– Communication workshops. Improve relationship skills like active listening.

– Art or pottery classes. Make something beautiful alongside each other.

– Volunteering experiences. Giving back feels fulfilling.

– Mindfulness, meditation or yoga workshops. These increase present moment focus.

– Budgeting and financial workshops. Getting your money right reduces stress.

Learning together builds intimacy and understanding. Shared new experiences enhance attraction and appreciation.

Have Deeper Conversations

It’s easy for communication to become routine and surface level after years as a couple. But having substantive, intimate conversations nourishes the relationship.

Dedicate time to dive into more meaningful dialogue:

– Ask thoughtful questions like, “What are you most proud of from the past year?” This inspires reflection.

– Discuss the ways you’ve matured together over the years. Changing alongside someone is meaningful.

– Confide dreams that feel vulnerable, even if they seem far-fetched. Opening up is brave.

– Define what intimacy means to each of you. How do you feel most connected?

– Have you changed views on important issues like marriage, kids or religion over the years? Discuss respectfully.

– What are your greatest fears about the future? Knowing each other’s worries builds trust.

– What past hardship made you realize how much this relationship means to you? Understanding key growth moments creates closeness.

– Make requests for specific things your partner could do to make you feel more loved. Clarifying needs is helpful.

Addressing substantial topics strengthens intimacy. Deeper knowledge increases empathy and affection.

Try Relationship Counseling

If you’re still struggling to connect after attempting the ideas above, consider seeing a couples counselor. There is stigma around counseling, but it’s often very helpful at any relationship stage. Having productive support sessions with a trained third party can unlock new pathways for mutual understanding.

Here are some benefits of couples counseling:

– An outside expert’s perspective provides objective guidance. Friends and family may be biased.

– Discussing issues with a buffer present can prevent heated conflict. You speak in a calmer way.

– The counselor teaches practical communication and conflict resolution skills. These tools enable better exchanges.

– airing grievances and hurts that built up over time brings cathartic relief. A counselor mediates this process.

– You gain greater insight into your own and your partner’s behavioral patterns and motivations. Self-knowledge allows for change.

– Even long-happy couples benefit from maintenance counseling check-ins. You become more emotionally attuned.

If you give counseling an honest try and still don’t reconnect, the process can help you determine next steps. Guidance from a pro makes relationships clearer.


It’s completely normal to experience a drop-off in passion after the exciting honeymoon period ends. But that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to a boring, disconnected relationship. By carving out quality time together, surprising each other, trying new experiences, spicing up the bedroom, flirting and having deep talks, you can bring back that loving feeling. When all else fails, a counselor’s outside perspective can work wonders. With some effort devoted to relationship maintenance, long-term love really can last.

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