It’s common for 6 year olds to occasionally say mean or hurtful things. At this age, children are developing their language skills rapidly and learning how to express their feelings and thoughts through words. However, they don’t always have the tact, empathy or impulse control to think before speaking. While mean words can be upsetting, there are several reasons why young children engage in this behavior, and strategies parents can use to curb it.
Why Do 6 Year Olds Say Mean Things?
There are a few key reasons why 6 year olds sometimes say mean things:
They Are Testing Limits
Six year olds are learning about social norms and rules. They are testing boundaries to see what kind of language and behavior is acceptable. Saying something mean may be an experiment to observe people’s reactions. They are figuring out where the line is between funny and hurtful, playful teasing and meanness.
Limited Impulse Control
Children at this age have limited impulse control. Their brains are still developing the ability to think before acting. A mean thought might pop into their head and come right out their mouth before they have a chance to consider if they should say it or not. Their verbal filter is still immature.
Seeking Attention
Negative attention is still attention. If a 6 year old realizes saying mean things gets a reaction from parents, siblings or other kids, they may continue this behavior to get noticed. All children crave attention from caregivers and peers, even if it’s in the form of a scolding or shocked reaction.
Lack Empathy
Six year olds are self-focused and still developing theory of mind – the ability to consider other people’s perspectives. They may not fully grasp how their words can impact others. Their brains are still wiring the ability to empathize. A 6 year old might say something very hurtful without understanding how much pain it can cause others.
Frustration and Anger
Big emotions are tricky to handle for little kids. When 6 year olds feel frustrated, angry, jealous or upset, they may lash out with mean words without the coping skills to manage these feelings appropriately. Strong emotions combined with poor impulse control can lead to hurtful language.
Mimicking Others
Children are sponges who absorb everything around them. A 6 year old might pick up mean language by mimicking parents, siblings, other kids at school, or characters on TV shows. If mean speech is modeled frequently in their environment, they are likely to copy it.
Strategies to Curb Mean Speech
If a 6 year old is regularly saying mean things, parents can implement strategies to help guide them toward more positive communication. Here are some tips for addressing this issue:
Model Respectful Language
Children learn from example. If parents use polite, kind language and refrain from mean or harsh speech themselves, kids are more likely to follow suit. Monitor your own communication to be the respectful role model you want your child to become.
Teach Empathy
Help your 6 year old recognize how words can impact others. Ask “How do you think that made her feel when you said that?” Foster perspective taking. Read children’s books about empathy and kindness.
Enforce Consequences
Make it clear mean language has consequences at home. This might be losing screen time, writing an apology note, or practicing kind speech. Consistent enforcement from an early age helps kids self-correct.
Praise Good Communication
Notice and call out when your 6 year old uses kind, polite, or friendly speech. Praising good behavior is just as important as disciplining negative behavior. This positive reinforcement will motivate them to repeat it.
Help Them Express Feelings
Children often act out when they don’t have the language to express their emotions. Help your child name their feelings. Say “It seems like you’re feeling really angry right now. What’s upsetting you?” Teach them healthy ways to vent frustration.
Remain Calm
If your child says something hurtful, avoid overreacting. Raising your voice or lecturing can be counterproductive. Stay calm and enforce a consequence in a neutral tone. Your composed response will discourage repeat behavior.
Give Them Attention
Make sure your child gets regular positive attention from you through one-on-one time, active listening and words of affirmation. Feeling connected to caregivers reduces negative behavior bids for attention.
Apologize For Your Mistakes
Nobody’s perfect, including parents. If you slip up and say something mean or rude in front of your child, sincerely apologize. This models taking responsibility for mistakes and repairing harm caused to others.
When to Seek Help
While the occasional mean remark is normal at this developmental stage, frequent or excessive meanness may signal an underlying issue needing professional support. Contact your pediatrician or a child psychologist if your 6 year old:
- Makes threats to hurt others
- Intentionally destroys property
- Is frequently aggressive – hits, kicks, bites
- Bullies siblings or peers
- Lies or steals repeatedly
- Seems callous towards others’ feelings
These patterns may indicate problems like hostility issues, trauma, a mood disorder or lack of attachment that require intervention to prevent escalation. The earlier mean behavior is professionally addressed, the more effectively it can be improved.
The Upside of Mean Words
Though hurtful language from a 6 year old is always unpleasant, their verbal missteps present opportunities to positively shape their social development. With patience and compassion, parents can use mean words as teaching moments.
Sets Expectations
Establishing rules against mean speech makes behavioral expectations clear. As long as consequences are enforced consistently, kids learn boundaries.
Teaches Accountability
Requiring apologies or reflective writing after mean remarks teaches young kids to take responsibility for their words and actions. This accountability is an important life skill.
Builds Empathy
Moments of meanness can increase empathy, as kids observe the impact their comments have on others. Seeing someone get upset after an unkind word helps hammer home why saying it was wrong.
Improves Emotion Management
When mean words stem from anger or frustration, managing these outbursts constructively models healthy feeling expression. Kids learn to channel big emotions in a positive manner.
Strengthens Family Bonds
As parents and kids work together to curb mean speech, this shared effort brings families closer. Communicating about thoughts and feelings forges trust and connection.
The Bottom Line
A 6 year old occasionally saying mean things is developmentally normal, if unpleasant. With patience, teaching moments and compassion, parents can guide kids toward more thoughtful self-expression. Establishing rules and consequences, modeling respectful speech, and helping them articulate feelings curtails meanness. If hurtful words become a frequent pattern, seeking professional counseling can help identify any underlying issues requiring intervention. While staying calm and consistent addressing unkind language is tough, over time it helps shape 6 year olds into more empathetic, conscientious kids.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for a 6 year old to be mean?
Yes, it is common and developmentally normal for 6 year olds to sometimes say mean or hurtful things. At this age, children are still learning to control impulses, understand how words impact others, and express big emotions appropriately. Occasional meanness is expected as they develop these skills.
How do you discipline a naughty 6 year old?
Effective discipline strategies for a 6 year old’s misbehavior include establishing clear rules and consequences, using time-outs, taking away privileges like screen time, and requiring restitution like apology notes. Praise good behavior too. Stay calm when enforcing, and be consistent. Model the polite language you want them to use.
What causes bad behavior in a 6 year old?
Normal developmental factors like limited impulse control, immature empathy and poor emotion regulation skills can cause naughty behavior in 6 year olds. Attention seeking, mimicking older siblings, unrealistic expectations or inconsistent parenting may also contribute. Checking for underlying issues like anxiety, learning disabilities or trauma is wise.
How do you deal with a mean 6 year old girl?
Stay calm, enforce consequences consistently, model kindness, help her verbalize feelings and provide positive attention. Mean behavior in 6 year old girls often stems from normal development or mirroring others’ meanness. Build her confidence and self-esteem with praise. Check for any bullying or exclusion by peers that requires intervention.
What are signs of a spoiled 6 year old?
Signs of a spoiled 6 year old include demanding behavior, frequent tantrums, yelling or whining when they don’t get their way, refusing to follow rules or accept “no”, lacking awareness of privilege, bragging about possessions and showing little appreciation for what they are given. Gentle discipline curbs these behaviors.
| Age | Typical Milestones | Potential Red Flags |
|---|---|---|
| 6 years |
|
|