The meal that takes place after a funeral service is commonly referred to as the funeral reception, wake, repast, or bereavement luncheon. It provides a time for family and friends to gather and share memories of the deceased after the funeral.
What is the Purpose of the Funeral Reception?
The funeral reception serves several purposes:
- It’s a time for mourners to come together and provide comfort and support to the bereaved family members.
- It allows the family to express gratitude to those who have come to pay their respects.
- It provides a less formal and solemn atmosphere than the funeral service.
- It gives friends and family a chance to reminisce and share stories about the deceased.
- The sharing of food and drink is symbolic of continuing the sustenance of life.
In many cultures and religions, providing nourishment to mourners is an important funeral tradition. The reception or meal allows everyone to pause and reflect after the intense emotions of the funeral ceremony.
Common Names for the Funeral Reception
Some common names for the post-funeral reception or meal include:
- Funeral Reception – This is perhaps the most common and general term for the gathering after a funeral service.
- Wake – Most commonly used for receptions after funerals in Irish or Catholic families.
- Repast – Used frequently in African-American communities.
- Bereavement Luncheon – A more formal reference for the post-funeral reception.
Regional differences in customs and culture influence what people call the gathering after the funeral. But the purpose remains the same – to support the bereaved and honor the deceased.
Who Hosts the Funeral Reception?
The funeral reception is usually hosted by the family or close friends of the deceased. It may be held at:
- The family home
- A restaurant or banquet hall
- The church or place of worship
- A special event venue
- The funeral home
If the reception is held at a private home, the family often gets help from close friends, a church women’s group, or a benevolent society. The hosts take care of invitations, food and beverage, setup and decor.
For larger memorial services, the funeral home may host the reception on-site or coordinate catering at an outside venue. The costs may be covered by the deceased’s estate. But the family is still heavily involved in the planning.
Who Attends the Funeral Reception?
The guest list for the post-funeral reception can include:
- Immediate family members
- Extended family and relatives
- Close friends of the deceased
- Neighbors and community members
- Business associates and work colleagues
- Members of organizations or clubs the deceased belonged to
- The officiant who conducted the funeral service
- Funeral home staff
The reception is a chance for all those whose lives were touched by the deceased to gather in tribute. Customs differ as to whether the reception is just for those invited to the funeral, or if it’s open to a wider circle.
What Food is Served at the Funeral Reception?
Funeral reception menus can range from simple to elaborate, depending on the family’s wishes. Common funeral reception foods include:
- Finger foods – Sandwiches, cheese and crackers, crudites, cookies etc.
- Hot dishes – Lasagna, baked ziti, casseroles, soups
- Baked goods – Cakes, pies, muffins, rolls, scones
- Fruit and vegetable platters
- Coffee, tea, water, soft drinks
- Wine and beer
The menu may reflect the deceased’s preferences or ethnic customs. Comfort foods and the deceased’s favorite dishes are popular options. Simple luncheon fare is fine for smaller receptions.
Funeral Reception Etiquette
Guests should follow certain etiquette guidelines out of respect for the bereaved:
- RSVP if asked and arrive on time.
- Dress appropriately – no bright or party outfits.
- Express your condolences to family members.
- Don’t expect family members to entertain guests.
- Introduce yourself to other guests you may not know.
- Reminisce about the deceased, but avoid sensitive topics.
- Offer to help with reception tasks if needed.
- Don’t stay too long – these events are exhausting for the hosts.
- Send a thank you note to the family afterward.
Most important is to provide heartfelt support to those in grief during this difficult time.
Are Funeral Receptions Always Held?
In some cases, a funeral may take place without any formal reception after. Reasons could include:
- The family wishes to grieve privately.
- The deceased wanted a very simple funeral service.
- Travel distances make it difficult for people to attend.
- Financial constraints of the family.
- Small, intimate funeral with just immediate family.
- Time constraints with a quick burial or cremation.
But even without a formal reception, it’s common for close family and friends to still gather at home after the service for comfort and support.
The Funeral Reception as a Celebration of Life
While certainly somber occasions, funeral receptions also focus on the positive. They celebrate the deceased’s life with those who knew them. Looking at photos, telling stories, even laughing over special memories can be very therapeutic.
The reception provides a bridge between the formality of the funeral ceremony and everyday life. It helps mourners process their grief and grapple with the reality of the loss. And it affirms that while death has occurred, life continues and memories remain.
Preparing for a Funeral Reception
If hosting a reception, its best for grieving families to delegate tasks. Typical preparation includes:
- Selecting a location – home, restaurant, venue etc.
- Planning the menu – catered or potluck.
- Sending invitations with RSVP date.
- Arranging seating, tables, decor etc.
- Preparing beverages, dishes, serving ware.
- Assigning helpers to assist with serving.
- Having tissues, fans, cooling aids available if needed.
- Coordinating any presentations, music, videos.
- Arranging clean up.
It provides comfort knowing friends and community stand ready to support the bereaved. Their presence affirms life continues even amidst the pain of loss.
Funeral Reception Traditions Across Religions and Cultures
Post-funeral receptions take many forms across different religions, ethnicities and cultural backgrounds. Some examples include:
Jewish Traditions
- “Shiva” – Guests join family in their home during the 7-day mourning period.
- “Shiva Meal” – Friends provide food so family need not cook.
- “Seudat Havra’ah” – “Meal of Consolation” at the home of the deceased.
Christian Traditions
- “Funeral Luncheon” – Typically potluck-style gathering after burial.
- “Repast” – Common in African-American churches.
- “Wake” – Post-funeral reception standard in Irish Catholic communities.
Hindu Traditions
- “Pinda-daan” – Food offerings made in name of the deceased.
- Friends provide “kichidi” (rice and lentil dish) to nourish mourners.
Buddhist Traditions
- “Makurakai” – Reception held 7 days after Japanese Buddhist funeral.
- Tea, rice, sake served to guests attending reception.
Muslim Traditions
- Funeral prayer service followed by communal meal for all guests.
- Dates, water, coffee customarily served at meal.
These varied traditions remind us to support those in grief, which helps bring light even in the darkness of loss.
Funeral Receptions During COVID
The COVID-19 pandemic constrained many traditional funeral gatherings. Public health concerns led to limits on crowd sizes for both funerals and receptions after.
Adaptations embraced during COVID included:
- Virtual memorial services allowing broader participation.
- Small graveside-only funerals.
- Drive-through visitations at funeral homes.
- Receptions postponed until larger gatherings allowed.
- Outdoor receptions and meal dropoffs to feed families.
While challenging, communities found creative ways to safely support each other in mourning while protecting health.
Conclusion
The funeral reception, while sobering, helps mourners process grief and find comfort together. It provides a meaningful pause between the intensity of the funeral ceremony, and resuming everyday routines. The gathering allows friends to rally around families in their time of need after the death of a loved one.
The meal, whether simple or elaborate, is symbolic. It represents continuing sustenance and life, even in the midst of loss. The act of coming together in community helps lighten emotional burdens. It honors the impact of a life now passed.
So while the reception goes by different names, its unifying purpose remains. To care for those left behind, sharing the gifts of food, memories, and fellowship.
