What is a death wake?

A death wake, also known as a viewing or visitation, is a gathering of family and friends after someone dies to view the deceased person’s body and provide support to the bereaved. Death wakes are an important part of many cultures’ funeral customs, allowing loved ones to say goodbye and begin mourning together.

When did death wakes originate?

Death wakes have been practiced for centuries and across many cultures as a way to honor the dead. Some historians believe the custom dates back to ancient Egyptian and Roman times, when public mourning and viewing of the deceased were an accepted part of society. However, the more modern tradition of death wakes originated in Europe and later became common in America.

In the 19th century, bodies were washed and prepared for burial at home, so holding a wake allowed time for loved ones to pay respects before the burial. As funeral homes began taking over preparation of bodies in the 20th century, the wake continued as a social custom and meaningful pre-funeral ritual.

What happens at a death wake?

A death wake typically takes place in the days before a funeral or memorial service. The deceased’s body is placed in an open casket, and loved ones gather to view the body, share stories, offer condolences, and support each other in their grief.

In the past, death wakes would commonly take place in the family’s home, with the casket in the parlor and refreshments served to guests. Today, most death wakes take place at a funeral home. The body may be cremated afterward.

A typical death wake schedule is:

  • Family has a private viewing first.
  • Friends and extended family visit over the next few days to offer condolences and say goodbye.
  • Funeral or memorial service follows shortly after.

The deceased’s close family members often serve as hosts and greet visitors as they pay respects. Condolences, stories, tears, and even laughter are shared as part of the remembrance and grief process.

What is the purpose of a death wake?

Death wakes serve several important emotional and social functions for those left behind:

  • Begin grieving together – Having shared grieving time helps mourners process the loss and gives a sense of community.
  • Pay final respects – Viewing the body and saying goodbye helps provide closure.
  • Show support – Visiting the family demonstrates caring, empathy and emotional support.
  • Share memories – Storytelling, laughter and tears help celebrate the life lost.
  • Transition to funeral – The wake is a preparatory step before the final burial or memorial service.

While painful, this pre-funeral ritual helps the bereaved acknowledge the reality of the death and unite in consolation. It signals the transition from life to afterlife and brings people together in their time of need.

What happens at the wake?

The focus of the death wake is gathering around the deceased’s casket to mourn and pay respects. Typical activities include:

  • Viewing the body
  • Spending private moments with the deceased
  • Talking with family members
  • Sharing memories and stories
  • Saying goodbye
  • Praying, singing, or observing religious rituals
  • Bringing flowers, cards or other condolences
  • Signing guest books or memorial registers

The atmosphere is normally solemn, with people speaking in hushed voices. The room may be decorated with flowers, photos, religious symbols or other mementos representing the deceased’s life. Food and beverages may be served for visitors.

What should you do at a death wake?

If you attend a death wake, it’s customary to:

  • Dress formally and conservatively.
  • Express sympathy and offer condolences to family members.
  • Speak warmly if you have stories or memories of the deceased to share.
  • Be respectful and allow other visitors time and privacy.
  • Sign the guest book.
  • Visit any displays of photos or memorabilia.
  • Stay as long as you feel is appropriate and comfortable.

If the deceased’s body is present, you may wish to approach the casket to say goodbye, offer a silent prayer or make the sign of the cross. Treat the setting as you would a church or cemetery.

Do you have to view the body?

Viewing the deceased’s body is completely optional. While some people feel seeing the body provides needed closure, others may find it too difficult or distressing. It is perfectly acceptable not to view the body or simply pay your respects nearby the casket without directly looking inside.

What should you wear to a death wake?

Dress respectfully for a death wake. For women, recommended attire includes:

  • Black dress or skirt suit
  • Dress pants with a nice blouse
  • Skirt or pants with a sweater or jacket
  • Dark stockings
  • Low or mid-heel pumps
  • Subtle makeup and jewelry
  • Conservative hairstyle

For men, suitable clothing includes:

  • Dark suit with tie
  • Suit pants with a button-down collared shirt
  • Dress slacks with a sweater or jacket
  • Leather dress shoes and dark socks

Avoid bright colors, short hemlines or dresses, jeans, sneakers, or distracting accessories. Cover tattoos and remove piercings if possible. You want to convey respect.

Should you bring your children to a death wake?

This is a personal decision that depends on your children’s ages and maturity level. For older children and teens, attending together can be a valuable chance to grieve, say goodbye, and learn about life cycles. However, young children may become fearful or bored at a long wake.

Consider the child’s temperament and ability to stay calm and quiet for potentially hours. If bringing them, prepare them for what to expect and the chance to see the deceased’s body. Have someone available for any needed breaks from the somber setting if necessary.

If the death is of someone close like a grandparent, the wake could provide helpful closure. But it’s fine to keep little ones at home with a sitter if you deem it too intense for their age. They can still attend the funeral service.

Should you bring your pet to a death wake?

Bringing pets to a death wake is not recommended in most cases out of respect for the family and solemn setting. However, if the deceased loved animals or you have a therapy animal, some families may appreciate their presence as a comforting reminder. Be sure to ask the immediate family for permission first.

How long do death wakes last?

There is no set duration for how long a death wake lasts. It depends on factors like the family’s preferences, religion, whether people are traveling from out of town, or if the deceased was a public figure. Some common lengths are:

  • 1-2 days
  • 2-3 days
  • 3-4 days

The wake may start as soon as preparations of the body are complete. Visitation hours are often daily from mid-morning until evening, with the family present most of these hours. Condolences can also be paid outside of main visiting blocks.

Can you take photos at a death wake?

It is best not to take photographs at a death wake without getting permission from the deceased’s family, who may find it inappropriate or unsettling. If the family wants to document those paying respects or public figures visiting, they will sometimes designate an approved photographer.

As an attendee, refrain from taking pictures or selfies during the wake. However, if there is a memory table or photo display for the deceased, the family may appreciate copies or photos of meaningful items once the formal viewing has finished.

What is a closed casket wake?

If the deceased’s body is not suitable for viewing due to trauma, illness, or personal preference, the family may choose to have a closed casket wake instead. This still provides a time for loved ones to come together before the burial or cremation.

The schedule and gathering time are similar to a traditional wake. Rather than viewing the body, the closed casket serves as the focus where loved ones can place flowers, photos, religious symbols or other mementos. The family can still share memories and receive condolences.

Can you have a wake without a body?

Wakes can be held even if the deceased’s body is not present, such as after cremation or if the person was lost at sea. These “memorial wakes” still allow loved ones to gather for support and remembrance.

Rather than viewing the body, the focal point becomes personal mementos, photos, flowers, shared stories, speeches, or religious services to honor the deceased. Having this pre-funeral gathering provides a transition time for collective grief and consolation.

What is the difference between a wake and viewing?

The terms “wake” and “viewing” are often used interchangeably to refer to the pre-funeral visitation period. However, there are some subtle differences:

  • A viewing more specifically refers to the time spent viewing the deceased’s body.
  • A wake includes the full gathering for remembrance before burial.

So a wake encompasses the viewing time along with conversing, sharing memories, refreshments, etc. The main purpose is to be together in grief and offer condolences.

What is a celebration of life vs a wake?

A celebration of life is a more informal memorial event held separately after the funeral. While a wake is focused on the deceased, a celebration of life party allows more emphasis on sharing happy memories, healing and bringing the community together after loss.

Common features of celebrations of life:

  • Held days or weeks after the funeral
  • More casual, party-like atmosphere
  • Often held at home vs a funeral parlor
  • May include potluck or cocktails
  • Upbeat music, videos, dancing, or funny stories
  • Uplifting rather than somber theme

What religions have death wakes?

Death wakes are prominent across many cultures and faith traditions including:

  • Catholicism
  • Protestant denominations
  • Judaism
  • Buddhism
  • Hinduism
  • Islam
  • Sikhism
  • Spiritualism
  • African traditions
  • Native American customs

Each religion may have unique rituals around preparing the body, when the wake is held, visitors’ roles, prayers, or restrictions that shape the traditions.

Do all cultures hold death wakes?

Death wakes are common across most cultures, but practices vary widely based on beliefs, customs, resources, and needs of mourners to grieve. Some examples of diverse traditions include:

  • Jamaican Nine Night – A festive wake lasting up to nine nights with food, drink, stories and music.
  • New Orleans Jazz Funeral – A parade with upbeat music to transport the coffin before a more somber burial.
  • Irish Wake – A sombre wake followed by celebratory drinking, dancing, and feasting.
  • Balinese Cremation Ceremony – Days-long elaborate funeral rites before cremation.
  • Tibetan Sky Burial – The body is offered to vultures on a mountaintop soon after death.
  • Maori Tangihanga – Days of mourning with the body present before burial.

Some Hindu and Buddhist traditions favor cremation very soon after death, so a formal pre-funeral wake is not held. But mourning, prayers and gatherings still allow loved ones to grieve together.

How are wakes changing today?

While the wake’s purpose remains meaningful, certain traditions are evolving with changing times and customs including:

  • More flexibility on visitation length from 1-5 days.
  • Family may receive visitors at their home rather than a funeral parlor.
  • Online obituaries and social media replace newspaper death announcements.
  • Virtual memorials allow remote participation.
  • Venues offer multimedia tributes, not just traditional caskets.
  • Customization with the deceased’s hobbies or wishes.

Yet even with changing forms, the core reasons of mourning together, finding closure, and providing comfort remain central to the death wake traditions.

Conclusion

Death wakes remain a meaningful funeral tradition across most cultures, though customs vary widely. Gathering before burial or cremation allows loved ones to grieve communally, view the body, share memories, find closure, and show support. While formats evolve, the wake endures as an important transitional step in honoring the deceased before the final funeral.

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