Getting people to treat you kindly can greatly improve your relationships and overall happiness. While we can’t force others to be nice, there are steps we can take to encourage more positive interactions. Approaching relationships with empathy, positivity, and respect can go a long way in bringing out the best in others. Additionally, being assertive about our needs and boundaries makes it easier for people to understand and accommodate them. With some self-awareness, effort, and patience, we can foster more harmonious connections.
Be approachable
If you want people to be nicer, make sure you are approachable. Scowling, ignoring others, and staying engrossed in your phone sends the signal that you want to be left alone. On the other hand, smiling, making eye contact, and facing people opens the door for friendly interactions. When you seem inviting and interested in those around you, they are more likely to respond positively in turn.
Exude warmth and friendliness
The energy you exude also affects how people treat you. Move through your day with warmth, optimism, and sincere interest in the people you encounter. Ask thoughtful questions, listen attentively, and share amusing anecdotes when appropriate. Let your body language convey openness and acceptance of others. This positivity and friendliness will make people feel comfortable and rewarded when engaging with you, inclining them to reciprocate your tone.
Give compliments and express gratitude
Look for opportunities to offer genuine praise and thanks to those around you. Compliment a coworker on their presentation, thank the barista who makes your coffee, or praise your partner’s cooking. Letting people know you notice and appreciate their efforts fosters goodwill. Make sure compliments are heartfelt and specific for maximum impact. With this graciousness, people will associate you with positive feelings and be motivated to continue extending courtesies.
Resolve conflicts constructively
When conflicts inevitably arise, handle them with empathy, active listening, and fairness. Avoid attacking others’ character or getting defensive. Instead, state your perspective calmly, ask questions to understand their viewpoint, and look for compromise. If emotions run high, take a break and revisit the issue later when cooler heads can prevail. By handling conflict in a thoughtful, diplomatic way, you demonstrate your respect and provide a model for how you hope to be treated in return.
Don’t gossip or talk negatively about others
Refrain from gossiping, spreading rumors, or speaking critically about others. Not only is this unkind, but it tends to encourage reciprocation of negative speech and treatment. Take the high road by emphasizing people’s positive attributes and giving them the benefit of the doubt. If you need to express concerns, do so directly to the person involved, not behind their back. With this discretion and positivity, people will feel safer opening up to you and treat you with similar care.
Show interest in others’ lives
Get in the habit of asking people around you meaningful questions about their lives and interests. Follow up to show you are listening and retaining details. Make an effort to remember and pronounce coworkers’ names correctly, ask about their weekends, and notice new haircuts. By demonstrating genuine interest and care, you validate others and build trust, prompting them to reciprocate with similar regard in their interactions with you.
Be generous with praise and appreciation
When you notice people doing good work or demonstrating good character, let them know. Send a thank you email when someone puts in extra effort, tell your partner you appreciate their support, praise your child’s kindness. Your thoughtfulness and praise will uplift them and incentivize continued excellence. Additionally, your generosity may inspire them to in turn appreciate you more vocally, strengthening bonds.
Respect cultural differences
If interacting with people from diverse backgrounds, take care to respect cultural norms and communication styles that may differ from your own. Observe intently, ask questions sensitively, and don’t judge. Instead, seek to expand your perspectives. Also be aware of your own body language and tone, adjusting to put others at ease if needed. Your openness and flexibility will be appreciated, often resulting in learning, growth, and stronger cross-cultural connections.
Be patient and forgiving
We all make mistakes or have bad days and can unintentionally take it out on others. When someone directs irritation or unkindness your way, avoid escalating the negativity. Instead, remain calm and give them the benefit of the doubt. Offer empathy for what they might be going through. If a genuine apology follows, accept it graciously and move on without resentment. Granting patience and forgiveness will serve as an inspiring example of how you hope to be treated in return.
Stand up for yourself
While aiming to be kind and diplomatic, also stand up for yourself when necessary. If others consistently take advantage of your goodwill, assert your boundaries. For example, if a friend always cancels plans last minute, tell them how this affects you and ask for more consideration going forward. Or if a coworker belittles your work, politely confront them. You can be both compassionate and direct. Showing that you won’t be treated unfairly or disrespected will make people less likely to do so.
Surround yourself with positive people
The company you keep inevitably influences how you are treated. Avoid those who are consistently negative, critical, or manipulative. Instead, spend more time with people who are positive, supportive, and bring out your best self. Their example will likely inspire you to treat them well in return. Additionally, their presence and influence may discourage unconstructive behavior from others. Choosing friends and partners wisely is crucial.
Don’t take negativity personally
If someone does direct unfair criticism or negativity your way, try not to take it personally. Oftentimes it says more about their mindset and circumstances than you. Avoid internalizing it or allowing it to affect your self-esteem. Reflect on whether there is any helpful feedback you can take from the experience. But otherwise let it roll off your back and continue conducting yourself with integrity. Your unflappable poise may inspire improved interactions moving forward.
Speak up against unkindness
While you should pick your battles, avoid being a silent bystander to cruelty. If you witness bullying, discrimination, or abuse, intervene if safely able to or get help. Stand in solidarity with the treated unfairly and make it clear such behavior is unacceptable. Speaking up takes courage but influences group norms and expectations. Promoting kindness and justice, even in challenging situations, can motivate people to extend you the same regard.
Be thoughtful under stress
Stress negatively impacts how we treat others. When under strain, monitor yourself carefully. Avoid lashing out in anger, being curt with coworkers, or being impatient with loved ones. Instead, explain you are going through a difficult time and may need additional patience and understanding. Reflect on how to be considerate even when struggling yourself. This vulnerability and continued care for others’ experience will typically be reciprocated gracefully.
Don’t hold grudges
If someone has been unkind or let you down, avoiding brooding over it or holding resentments. This negativity hurts you more than them. Do express your feelings to the person directly if needed. But then work to forgive and move forward in a spirit of optimism and good faith. Holding grudges closes your heart to change and primes you to reciprocate negativity. Generously letting go retains your power and humanity.
Give people the benefit of the doubt
When interacting with others, make every effort to assume good intentions. If someone makes what appears to be an insensitive remark, consider they may not understand how their comment landed before judging harshly. If a coworker seems abrupt, explore whether they are under pressure before taking offense. Even when feelings get hurt, avoid vilifying others’ motives without cause. With compassion and open communication, many perceived slights can be resolved or forgiven.
Don’t joke at others’ expense
While mutual joking can build closeness, avoid teasing others in ways that shame or exclude. What you see as harmless fun may genuinely sting. Err on the side of being playful but not mocking or insulting. And read cues carefully to ensure everyone feels respected, valued, and part of the group. When humor unites rather than divides, it can foster tremendously positive energy between people.
Show loyalty and support
Make it clear to people in your life that you are in their corner. Celebrate friends’ accomplishments, have your partner’s back during conflict, and stick up for colleagues when needed. Follow through reliably when others are depending on you. Your steadfast support will inspire reciprocity from loved ones, and peer loyalty is crucial for weathering work challenges. Being faithful in thought, word and deed generates trust.
Be ethical
Beyond interpersonal kindness, conduct yourself with strong ethics in all areas of life. Honor your commitments, be honest in your work, treat people justly, and take responsibility for your actions. When faced with choices, reflect carefully on potential impacts. Observe others’ needs and boundaries. While ethics sometimes require tough trade-offs, kindness and integrity align more often than not. Your principles will earn others’ respect.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Open up judiciously to show you trust others with your feelings and flaws. Admit when you feel overwhelmed by work demands. Share your insecurities about entering a new relationship. Confide anxiety about a health issue. Appropriate vulnerability strengthens connections and invites reciprocation and support. Ensure you have appropriate emotional boundaries, but some openness shows you believe others will treat your disclosures considerately.
Get help if you struggle with anger, depression, or anxiety
Ongoing anger, sadness, fear or other difficult emotions understandably make it harder to interact positively with others. Seek counseling or medical help as needed. Therapeutic techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy can teach healthy coping strategies. Medication may help in some cases. Prioritize self-care: get enough sleep, eat nutritious foods, exercise, and find healthy stress relief. Nurturing mental health makes you more resilient and able to extend patience and grace towards others.
Cultivate self-awareness
Reflect often on your impact on people and how interactions could improve. Identify your biases and triggers. Strive to understand different personalities and communication styles. Journal about conflicts to see your role more clearly. Ask trusted friends and partners for candid feedback periodically. Self-knowledge allows you to act consciously rather than reactively, enabling more thoughtful, kind interactions under stress.
Conclusion
While we can’t control how others act, we can take many proactive steps to bring out their best selves. Approaching relationships with positivity, empathy and integrity fosters trust and goodwill. Monitoring our own behavior prevents us from escalating negativity. Extending grace keeps our hearts open to change. Though it takes work, thoughtfulness and perseverance can cultivate remarkably improved connections, community and workplace culture.