Why is it so hard to get over someone emotionally?
It can be incredibly difficult to get over someone who has hurt you emotionally. Here are some key reasons why:
You trusted them
When you opened yourself up emotionally to someone, it means you trusted them with your feelings, heart, and vulnerability. You let your guard down and believed they would treat you with care. When they end up breaking that trust by hurting you, it can feel like your whole world is shattered. The person you thought would protect you has deeply wounded you instead. This betrayal of trust is very hard to recover from.
Your emotions are powerful
Emotions can be extremely potent and overwhelming. When someone evokes strong feelings in you, it creates a deep bond and attachment. The hurt and pain you feel after they mistreat you is proportional to the intensity of emotions you originally felt for them. These are not superficial feelings – they impact you at your core. Healing takes time.
Your self-esteem is diminished
When someone hurts you emotionally, it’s easy to start doubting yourself. You begin to internalize their actions as your own fault and criticize yourself. Your self-confidence takes a hit. Even if rationally you know their behavior is on them, your self-esteem has still been damaged. Building yourself back up is a slow process.
Your nervous system is haywire
Emotional pain triggers your fight-or-flight nervous system. Your body doesn’t know the difference between physical danger and emotional distress – it reacts the same way. You may experience panic attacks, anxiety, sleepless nights, loss of appetite, knots in your stomach, and more. Getting your nervous system to a calm baseline again requires a lot of self-care.
You crave closure and resolution
When someone’s actions are left unresolved, it leaves you hanging. You end up ruminating over what happened, stuck going in circles about it all. Getting closure from them directly would help provide answers and let you move forward. But you often don’t get that resolution, which makes it very challenging to achieve it on your own.
You’re grieving the loss
Similarly to how grief takes time to heal after losing a loved one, you are grieving the loss of this relationship or person. Grieving is a natural process that allows you to slowly accept they are gone and detach. Rushing this mourning will only prolong the pain. Allowing yourself to fully grieve takes courage.
Your life feels disrupted
When this person was in your life, they occupied your mental space, your heart, your time, energy and focus. Now they are gone, leaving a vacuum. As you adjust to their absence, it disrupts many aspects of your regular life. Rebuilding a new normal without them in it takes active work.
How do you start getting over someone who hurt you?
Getting over someone who caused you emotional pain requires time and tremendous self-care. Here are some proactive steps you can take:
Cut off contact
Continuing to interact with this person will not allow you the space to heal. Limit contact as much as possible. Unfollow/block them on social media, avoid places you know they’ll be, and ask mutual friends not to relay information about them. Out of sight really does help shift them out of mind.
Write down your feelings
Journaling or writing letters you won’t send can help you unload the barrage of emotions flooding you. It provides a much needed cathartic release. Pouring these intense feelings out on paper helps get them out of your head and heart.
Talk to supportive friends
Sharing your feelings with trusted friends allows you to voice what you’re going through. Choose friends who will listen compassionately without judgement. Their empathy and care will soothe your soul. Venting your hurt will help ease the inner turmoil.
Acknowledge your emotions
Bottling up difficult emotions never works. Ignoring them only causes more damage long term. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up, even anger. Accept and validate these feelings, rather than suppress them. Mindfully observing them will help them start to naturally dissipate.
Practice self-care
Nurture yourself with great kindness right now. Treat yourself to bubble baths, soothing music, good books, time in nature, warmth and comfort. Make sleeping well a priority. Eat foods that uplift you. Take deep breaths often. Do whatever helps you cope and feel cared for.
Engage in distractions
While you don’t want to avoid processing the emotional pain completely, too much rumination keeps you stuck. Engage in positive distractions like catching up with friends, being creative, learning new skills and hobbies. These will provide healthy breaks from dwelling on the hurt.
Forgive yourself
Many people blame themselves when emotionally hurt by someone else. Remind yourself over and over that this was not your fault. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. Learn any lessons, then forgive yourself completely. You deserve kindness.
Get professional help
For some, the emotional pain is too heavy to bear alone. Seeing a therapist provides objective guidance. Joining a support group connects you with others experiencing similar issues. Getting the right help accelerates healing. Be brave enough to reach out.
Practice gratitude
When you’re hurting, it’s easy to focus on the pain. Make an effort to notice the good around you, even little things. Appreciating the positive balances the negativity causing your distress. A daily gratitude practice of counting your blessings rewires your brain to see the good.
Stay physically active
Keep your body moving with activities like walking, stretching or swimming to lift your mood through endorphins. When you feel low, even forcing yourself to exercise for 15 minutes can immediately make you feel better. An active body boosts mental resilience.
What are the stages of getting over someone emotionally?
Just like with the common stages of grief, getting over someone who caused emotional pain follows several stages. Knowing these stages provides a roadmap and lets you know your feelings are normal:
Shock
Initially you may be in disbelief, unable to accept this person has hurt you. You never imagined they were capable of this. The hurt came out of nowhere, blindsiding you. The shock helps insulate you while you process it all.
Denial
To cope with the overwhelming emotions, you pretend like the incident never happened. You bury your feelings, downplay the seriousness of it, or make excuses for their behavior. Denying the truth only delays the inevitable feelings from sinking in.
Anger
As the reality sets in, outrage sets in towards how badly they treated you. You feel betrayed and used. It’s infuriating someone you cared about could be so harmful. Anger motivates you to stand up for yourself. Don’t suppress it.
Bargaining
You start negotiating in your mind, wishing you could go back and prevent this somehow. You imagine confronting them about their actions, in hopes of an apology that will miraculously ease your pain and undo their behavior.
Guilt
You start picking apart your actions, blaming yourself. If only you had been a better partner, been more attractive, read the signs, not been so naive etc. In fact, their behavior was their responsibility alone. Remind yourself of this.
Depression
As the grief sinks in over this loss, you feel sad, empty, despairing, even hopeless. Your motivation and mood declines. Vitality drains from your body and spirit. Take this time to feel it fully, rest, and know it will pass.
Acceptance
Finally you start to accept this person and situation for what it is. You comprehend it was out of your control. The intensity of emotions begins to lift. There is clarity this relationship was unhealthy for you. Your self-worth returns.
Moving on
You are able to look to the future again, rather than staying stuck in the past. The emotional grip loosens. You can see clearly now, with the wisdom this hardship has given you. You move forward, stronger and more discerning.
How long does it take to get over someone emotionally?
There is no set timeline for healing from emotional hurt inflicted by someone else. It depends on the depth of feelings, length of relationship, nature of the betrayal, level of trust broken, and more. However, experts agree most people do begin to feel better around the 6 month mark.
For deeper wounds, especially from those closest to you, healing can take 1-2 years. If the emotional pain persists substantially beyond that timeframe, seeking counseling would be very beneficial.
While it’s hard to be patient with yourself, try not to get frustrated. Remind yourself over and over that this takes time. Distance and space is the only true remedy. Feel confident in your ability to work through this, even if it’s slowly.
Tips to heal faster
While getting over someone who caused you emotional trauma takes time, here are some tips to help accelerate your healing:
– Remove any reminders of them from your environment
– Avoid reliving the memories – stay focused on the present
– Express your feelings often through writing, art, exercise, support groups etc.
– Learn from any mistakes to build your self-esteem and wisdom
– Become the support you need through self-care and healthy distractions
– Focus on personal growth and goals to feel empowered about your future
– Forgive them (not condone their actions) to set yourself free from resentment
– Visualize yourself feeling whole, healed and renewed
When is it time to seek professional help?
Getting support from friends and family often helps ease emotional distress from being hurt by someone. But if you’re experiencing any of the following, it may signify a need for more professional intervention:
– Flashbacks, panic attacks or other PTSD symptoms
– Trouble focusing on work/school for over 2 weeks
– Feeling numb, completely emotionally drained
– Thoughts of harming yourself or others
– Severe change in eating or sleeping habits
– Persistent dark/suicidal thoughts
– Substance abuse to cope with the pain
– Physical health problems from high stress
– Still struggling after 6-12 months
Seeking counseling or joining a support group can help you:
– Safely vent your feelings
– Process the trauma and abuse
– Identify self-destructive patterns
– Develop coping strategies
– Regain outside perspective
– Receive validation and support
– Heal from past emotional wounds exacerbating current ones
– Establish healthy boundaries and expectations
– Rebuild self-esteem and break shame/guilt cycles
– Obtain antidepressant/anti-anxiety medications if needed
– Feel hopeful again
With expert guidance tailored to your unique situation, you CAN heal and reclaim your joy. Don’t hesitate to get professional help. You deserve to feel emotionally healthy again.
What should you NOT do when trying to get over someone?
It’s important to avoid the following counterproductive behaviors as you heal emotional wounds:
Don’t use alcohol, drugs or food to numb the pain
While tempting to lessen the intensity of emotions, these tactics cause more damage long term in the form of unhealthy dependencies. Allow yourself to feel it fully and get proper help instead.
Don’t rush into a new relationship
Loneliness can compel you to quickly find someone new. But until healing occurs, you risk carrying baggage, broken trust and unresolved pain into the next relationship.
Don’t obsessively cyberstalk them on social media
Seeing their activity online will only trigger your emotions and keep you attached. Block them on all platforms. Stop looking for ways to stay updated.
Don’t have sex with your ex
Temporarily being intimate again often confuses emotions, blurs boundaries and undermines progress. Both parties need distance for perspective.
Don’t try to get revenge
Plots to hurt this person back, however justified, will only breed more hurt and keep you engulfed in toxicity. The healthiest revenge is becoming genuinely happy again.
Don’t keep going in circles about the whys
You may never understand why someone hurt you so deeply. Once you look at the situation from all angles, move forward. Dwelling gains nothing. Release the need to understand.
Don’t isolate yourself
Reaching out to loved ones is vital during emotional healing times. Withdrawing will only breed depression. Maintain nurturing social connections.
Don’t neglect self-care
Now more than ever, be vigilant about healthy eating, sleeping, exercise and other self-care. This protects your physical and mental health when vulnerable.
How do you practice self-love after someone hurts you emotionally?
Self-love is the most powerful antidote when recovering from emotional injuries inflicted by another person. Here are some great self-love tips to embrace:
Speak kindly to yourself
Notice negative self-talk and instead replace it with how you’d speak compassionately to a close friend – with patience, kindness and understanding.
Spend time doing things you enjoy
Reconnect with activities that light you up – hobbies, sports, music, getting creative, laughing. Follow your joy.
Take yourself on solo dates
Do special things just for you – get a massage, have a fancy coffee, visit an art museum, whatever enlivens your spirit.
Wear clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable
Pamper yourself with cozy clothes that boost your mood. Look good for YOU above all else.
Make your needs a priority
Tune into your body’s signals. Eat when hungry, rest when tired, restore your spirit with relaxation. Nurture yourself.
Set boundaries
Practice saying no to people and situations that don’t serve your wellbeing. Your comfort comes first.
Release guilt
Forgive yourself for anything you think you did to cause hurt. You did your best with the knowledge you had.
End unhealthy relationships
Cut contact with toxic people who harm your self-esteem or abandon you during hard times.
Speak words of love to yourself
Look at yourself in the mirror often and say genuinely caring affirmations. Allow love to flow inward.
The goal of self-love is accepting yourself just as you are right now, then nurturing your mind, body and soul with the utmost compassion. You deserve nothing less.
Conclusion
Healing from emotional hurt inflicted by someone you cared for deeply requires tremendous patience, self-compassion and care. Feel confident that if you avoid counterproductive behaviors, get professional help as needed, and practice dedicated self-love, you will get through this. In time, your heart will be made whole again. Focus on believing in your resilience. With faith in your inner strength, you will come out of this challenge even stronger and wiser than before. Brighter days await. You’ve got this!