Do exes really forget about each other after a breakup? This is a common question that often weighs on people’s minds after going through a split. The end of a relationship can be an extremely emotional time and it’s normal to wonder if your ex will eventually forget you and move on.
In the beginning stages after a breakup, trying to forget about an ex can seem impossible. You may be thinking about them constantly, wondering what went wrong and hoping there’s a chance to rekindle things. Even if your ex is the one who initiated the split, you likely believe they are also having a hard time forgetting you.
As time passes, your feelings may start to fade and focusing on your ex gets easier. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean they have forgotten you completely. In fact, research shows that exes remember more about each other than they realize.
Do memories of exes fade away?
Even years after a breakup, studies have found that people can recall exes surprisingly well. When participants were asked to think about short-term and long-term ex partners, they were able to describe many details about their physical appearances, personalities, hobbies, and interests.
In one study published in the Journal of Research in Personality, over 80 percent of participants had no trouble picturing the face of an ex they had broken up with over two years earlier. Another study by psychology professor Nancy Kalish found that even after 25 years, over 50 percent of participants could recall over 100 specific events from their past relationships.
These findings indicate that our memories of exes do not simply fade away with time as one might expect. In fact, relationship memories can be extremely vivid and resilient.
Why do exes stay memorable?
There are several psychological reasons why it’s so hard to forget someone you’ve been intimate with:
- Emotional memories tend to be strong – Breakups evoke powerful emotions that get tied to your memories of that person.
- Repeated exposure over time – The longer you were with someone, the more reinforced the memories become.
- Association with key life events – If you went through meaningful experiences with your ex, those memories stick.
- Seeking closure – Unresolved issues can cause your ex to stay at the forefront of your mind.
In addition, neuroscientists have found that relationship memories are stored in the caudate nucleus, a part of the brain that does not fade easily over time. This region retains memories regardless of whether the breakup was friendly, hostile, recent or occurred long ago.
Do exes think about each other?
Wondering if your ex still thinks about you is understandable. Especially in the beginning of a breakup, it’s tempting to ask mutual friends for updates or overanalyze your ex’s social media for clues. However, this is rarely helpful for moving on.
Rather than obsessing over whether your ex remembers you, focus on yourself and adjusting to your new reality. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Lean on friends and family for support. Pursue activities and hobbies unrelated to your ex.
With effort, it is possible to form a new life where thoughts of your ex no longer consume you. This allows you to be open to meeting someone new when the time feels right.
When do exes forget?
Experts estimate it takes approximately half the length of the relationship to get over an ex. For example, a breakup after a two-year relationship would take about one year to get over. However, this timeframe is a rough estimate that depends on many factors:
- Who initiated the breakup – Being broken up with can make it harder to stop thinking about your ex.
- Level of emotional investment – More serious relationships take longer to get over.
- Presence of hostility – A messy or bitter breakup delays healing.
- Personality traits – Insecurity, avoidance of change, and perfectionism make moving on more challenging.
- Support system – Strong social support speeds up recovery time.
While it may seem impossible in the beginning, most people do eventually reach a point where they rarely think about their ex at all. It happens gradually, until one day you realize you have forgotten their phone number or no longer remember what color their eyes were. The memories never disappear completely, but they no longer control your thoughts or feelings.
Can exes be friends?
What about those couples that successfully transition to friendship after a breakup – do they ever forget each other? Maintaining a close friendship with an ex is possible, but also rare. After a breakup, most exes need space and time apart to heal before they can interact in a casual, platonic way. However, some couples can eventually reach a place where they are able to occasionally talk or meet up without stirring up old feelings.
The healthiest friendships between exes have strong boundaries in place. This means avoiding excessive contact, keeping conversations light rather than intimate, and generally giving each other space to move on. Being friends with an ex requires accepting that the romantic relationship has ended for good.
Trying to turn a former partner into a friend right away is not recommended by most experts. For a genuine friendship between exes to work, there first needs to be a period of no contact after the breakup to allow each person to emotionally detach.
When is it healthier to forget an ex?
For some people, constant thoughts and reminders of an ex can severely impair their ability to heal and move forward after a breakup. Here are some signs it may be healthier to actively try to forget your ex:
- You are obsessing over getting back together.
- Your productivity is suffering due to distraction over the breakup.
- You are making unhealthy decisions like excessive drinking or risk-taking.
- You cannot enjoy normal activities because thoughts of your ex dominate.
- Memories of your ex are negatively impacting new dating experiences.
In cases like these, it is wise to take active steps to stop thinking about your ex so frequently. This allows you to refocus your energy on the present rather than staying stuck on the past.
Tips for forgetting an ex
If you find yourself struggling to let go of an ex, here are some proactive strategies to try:
- Remove reminders – Get rid of gifts, photos, social media connections, and the ex’s contact info.
- Avoid places associated with your ex – Don’t revisit favorite date spots you used to go to together.
- Make new memories – Take up a new hobby, take a trip, or make an effort to meet new people.
- Limit discussing your ex – Confide in a close friend, but don’t obsessively analyze the relationship.
- Practice gratitude for the present – Appreciate what and who you have in your life right now.
Actively engaging in new activities and cultivating a mindset of gratitude can help direct your focus away from the past. Over time, conscious effort helps thoughts of your ex arise less frequently. If necessary, consider seeking professional counseling to process lingering hurt from the breakup.
Conclusion
It is natural to wonder if exes forget each other after a relationship ends. The reality is that exes often remember more details about each other than expected due to the strength of emotional memories. With time and concerted effort, it is possible to stop constantly thinking about an ex. However, the memories never completely vanish.
Rather than worrying about whether your ex still thinks about you, focus on your own healing. Give yourself the space and time needed to adapt to your new single lifestyle. While the hurt feels overwhelming at first, it does gradually get better. Having faith in your ability to work through the pain and build a full life allows you to move forward.
With patience and self-care, you can reach a place where thoughts of your ex are occasional and indifferent rather than obsessive. The goal is not to erase the memories altogether, but rather integrate the relationship experience into the richer life story that lies ahead of you.
| Time after breakup | Ability to stop thinking about ex |
|---|---|
| 1 month | Very difficult |
| 6 months | Challenging but improving |
| 1 year | Thoughts fading |
| 2 years | Mostly moved on |