Being ignored can be a very difficult and even traumatic experience for some people. There are many reasons why someone may feel ignored by others, such as not fitting in, being shy or introverted, or having communication differences. While being ignored temporarily may just cause sadness or hurt feelings, being ignored consistently over time can potentially lead to psychological trauma.
What is psychological trauma?
Psychological trauma refers to the emotional and psychological damage caused by highly stressful events. Trauma can result from one-time events like accidents, natural disasters, or violence. It can also result from ongoing, relentless stress like childhood neglect, abandonment, or long-term abuse.
Trauma disrupts a person’s ability to cope and process emotions. It can have lasting impacts on mental and physical health, behavior, and relationships. The effects of trauma can include:
- Distressing memories or flashbacks
- Avoidance behaviors
- Heightened anxiety, insomnia, irritability
- Difficulty feeling positive emotions
- Unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse
- Problems with focus, memory, and decision making
- Constant feelings of sadness, fear, anger, numbness
- Physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches
- Interpersonal problems and isolation
Some key aspects that define trauma are that it is:
- Subjective – people react differently to events based on age, prior experiences, support systems, and innate resilience
- Chronic – trauma is usually caused by repeated and prolonged stressful events rather than one single event
- Developmental – childhood trauma at key developmental stages can alter the course of emotional maturation
Can being ignored lead to trauma?
Yes, being consistently ignored, rejected, or ostracized especially over critical developmental periods can lead to psychological trauma. Here’s why:
Social needs are innate and being excluded is threatening
Human beings have an inherent, biological need to belong. Forming social connections and feeling accepted provides real advantages to physical and mental health. When key social needs go unmet over long periods, it represents a real threat to wellbeing.
Being ignored or excluded activates the brain’s pain centers. MRI scans show the anterior cingulate cortex lights up when someone feels left out. Socially isolating experiences also lead to elevated cortisol, the stress hormone.
Early experiences shape development
Early childhood and adolescence are critical times when individuals form self-esteem, identity, and models of relating. Positive social interactions facilitate healthy development. But chronic rejection and exclusion during these early years often leads to maladaptive beliefs and behaviors that persist into adulthood.
Childhood emotional neglect and peer rejection have been associated with:
- Low self-esteem
- Poor emotion regulation
- Social withdrawal and isolation
- Aggression and acting out
- Anxiety, depression, and suicide risk
- Difficulties forming healthy relationships
Being ignored threatens core psychological needs
Self-determination theory posits that people have core needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness. When any of these are deprived, it harms wellbeing and development.
Consistent rejection and exclusion thwarts the need for relatedness. Being ignored also conveys that someone is not valued or competent enough to interact with. Having core psychological needs constantly frustrated is traumatic.
Populations vulnerable to trauma from being ignored
While no one enjoys being ostracized, some groups are especially susceptible to trauma from chronic exclusion for various reasons:
Children
As discussed above, negative social experiences in childhood can severely impact development. Abuse and neglect by caregivers disturb attachment processes. Bullying and peer rejection teach children maladaptive relationship habits.
Teens
During adolescence, teens start seeking identity and independence. They rely heavily on peer groups for validation and self-esteem. Being excluded from key social spheres undermines identity formation and increases risky behaviors.
Cyberbullying is also increasingly common. Teens ignored and rejected online suffer anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation.
LGBTQ populations
Due to societal prejudices, LGBTQ individuals face higher rates of rejection from family and peers. Until recently, their existence has also been overlooked in the mainstream social narrative. Being ignored by society as well as individuals perpetuates trauma stemming from discrimination.
Minorities and immigrants
Individuals from marginalized racial, ethnic, and cultural groups often experience dismissal, discrimination, and willful ignorance. Microaggressions build up over time, leading to traumatic stress. New immigrants lacking supportive communities are especially susceptible.
People with disabilities
Whether physical, neurological, or mental, having a disability often means being ignored and overlooked by society. Difficulties developing social connections result in higher rates of loneliness, anxiety, depression, and suicide.
Elderly
Ageism leads older people to feel disregarded. Social isolation and loneliness in elderly increase risks for medical issues like heart disease, stroke, and cognitive decline. These effects worsen without adequate social support.
Signs of trauma from being ignored
If being ignored has become an ongoing source of stress, you may exhibit some signs of trauma including:
- Social isolation and withdrawal from others
- Intense distress when excluded or rejected
- Low self-esteem and overly negative self-talk
- Difficulty trusting people and forming close relationships
- Depression, anxiety, chronic irritability
- Hypervigilance and sensitivity to dismissal
- Avoidance of situations where you may be ignored
- Compulsive behaviors to avoid feeling excluded
- Substance abuse to cope with emotional distress
- Suicidal thoughts or self-harming behaviors
You may also suffer physical effects like headaches, stomach issues, body aches, and sleep disturbances. Chronic stress from being ignored can cause elevated cortisol, blood pressure changes, and inflammation increasing disease risks.
Seeking help
If you believe you have suffered psychological trauma from being ignored, seek professional mental health support. Trauma treatment typically involves:
Psychotherapy
Talk therapy helps process memories, emotions, and beliefs related to trauma. It facilitates coping skills, healthy relationships, and emotional regulation. Cognitive and dialectical behavior therapies are common evidence-based approaches. Group therapy also aids recovery by combating isolation.
Medication
Antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs, and other medications can help stabilize debilitating symptoms making therapy more effective. However, meds don’t treat underlying issues.
Alternative modalities
Some find relief from trauma symptoms using methods like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, art therapy, and hypnotherapy in conjunction with conventional treatment.
Emotional support animals
Specially trained animals provide comfort, companionship, and unconditional acceptance that counteracts isolation. However, ensure you have the means to properly care for an ESA before adopting.
Online support communities
For some, anonymity reduces barriers to sharing experiences of trauma from chronic exclusion. Connecting with others facing similar distress makes one feel less alone.
Preventing trauma from being ignored
No one can completely control how others treat them. However, some strategies can help limit trauma from being ignored or rejected:
- Seek social support proactively from those who accept you
- Find safe communities online or in-person aligned with your needs and values
- Practice self-validation rather than relying solely on external approval from others
- Set healthy boundaries and limit time spent with those who ignore you
- Build self-esteem and identity not contingent on others’ opinions
- Obtain professional help at the first signs being ignored is becoming traumatic
Prioritizing your physical and mental health supports resilience when faced with exclusion. A strong sense of self-worth protects against the downstream effects of being dismissed or overlooked.
Coping with day-to-day dismissal
No matter how strong one’s social supports, everyone faces some situations where they feel ignored or invisible on a day-to-day basis. In these cases, some positive coping mechanisms include:
- Talking to trusted friends and family who see and value you
- Channeling hurt into creative pursuits like art, music, writing
- Reminding yourself it’s not your fault and you have inherent worth
- Spending time outdoors and in nature
- Practicing mindfulness, meditation, or soothing rituals
- Focusing on goals and activities that bring you purpose and joy
While an occasional snub likely won’t cause trauma, consistently brushing off day-to-day experiences of being ignored can lead to buried emotional distress. Make sure to process these incidents rather than simply downplaying them.
When being ignored becomes emotional abuse
In intimate relationships, being routinely ignored or dismissed by a partner can constitute emotional abuse. Signature signs include:
- Deliberately ignoring you for extended periods
- Refusing to acknowledge your needs
- Acting like your thoughts, feelings, and opinions don’t matter
- Withholding approval and affection to punish you
- Gaslighting and denying they are ignoring you
- Turning others against you via social isolation
This form of neglect erodes self-esteem and confidence over time. Make sure to seek counseling or other support in abusive situations, as professional help is key to overcoming relationship trauma.
Takeaways
- Being ignored violates core human needs for belonging and competence.
- Early, ongoing exclusion often causes lasting psychological damage.
- Populations like minorities and people with disabilities suffer higher rates of dismissal.
- Signs of trauma can manifest emotionally, behaviorally, and physically.
- Seek professional help if being ignored is causing significant distress in your life.
- Building social support and self-esteem protects against traumatic impacts.
- In relationships, recurring neglect is a form of abuse.
While occasional incidents of being ignored won’t traumatize most mentally healthy people, unrelenting dismissal and rejection creates a real risk for psychological trauma. The effects intensify if exclusion occurs during youth or alongside other marginalization. Seeking connection and professional help at the first signs being ignored is affecting your wellbeing can prevent lasting trauma. Overall, the adage that “sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt you” does not accurately reflect the psychological damage sustained from ongoing emotional neglect. If your core need to belong is chronically deprived, trauma can and does occur.